All my mornings should end up as comics.

Brought to you by my trusty Moleskine Storyboard Notebook!

Introspection & Gazing At Navels.

I love my wireless keyboard. Not just because I can operate the computer on the TV, but mostly because when I type quickly on it, it sounds like a typewriter. I have always loved the solid, clunky immensely satisfying *clunk* of typewriter keys. I even briefly flirted with the idea of buying an old one off eBay, just for the cathartic feeling of typing (I was held up by the fact that you can't buy ribbons for them anymore, and anyway, shipping would be a bastard).

 

Today is my first day on prescription pain medication. As anyone who's known me more than 5 minutes knows, I've suffered from headaches pretty much all my life. I hesitate to call them migraines, as what people have described to me as migraines does not fit what I get. More accurately, they're just really bad headaches, usually focussed at the base of my skull in two little knots. I have no doubt that things like stress or adrenaline bring them on, and they are occasionally resistant to medication, and often helped by physio. Lately, and by lately, I mean in the last fortnight, I have been having... different experiences. I'll go to sleep about 11:45 or midnight, then wake up roughly an hour later with a headache. A specific kind of headache, only on the left side of my head. For a moment, it'll feel like a minor thing, like you might have after just one too many beers the night before. But then as soon as you shift in position, it levels up.  If you'll forgive my purple prose for a moment, I'll describe the feeling: imagine a ball of lightning. Not a big ball, perhaps the size of a golf, or ping-pong ball. And it's spinning and roiling on the surface, kind of like the CGI Sparks in the Beast Wars: Transformers TV show. This ball sits just inside my left temple, and throbs. Then, in a motion I can only describe as similar to the lightning attacks in InFamous or Storm from Ultimate Alliance, it will lash out with lightning strikes. These strikes can hit anywhere along my head, but seem to like just behind my eyebrow, the sinus next to my nose, my upper molars, the hollow behind my jaw, and yes, the base of my skull. When they strike, they tend to march along a path, like an ellipses (you know, one of these --> ... ... ...) and then conduct off the bones in my face, before retreating again. The severity of these strikes can range from electric-shock-uncomfortable to body-wracking-painful. The first time it happened, it hurt so much I could barely speak. I have never hurt that much that I can remember. I tried to get up, but couldn't. I had to wait until the strikes died down, then lurched out of bed, staggering, really, up to the kitchen looking for some panadol. I also heated up a wheat-bag heat pack, and laid it on my face until the medication kicked in, and I could relax enough to go to sleep. The next morning, no pain. However the next night? Repeat scenario. This basically was three nights of last week. Only once did it carry over to the day after. Night before last, it happened again, just as severe as the first time. But it stayed. I had the same feeling all morning. I took more panadol (panadiene now, with codeine) but or once, the edge did not come off. No. Instead it got worse. And I was at work. Blurred vision, loss of balance... I at one pointed wished I could do something as dramatic as collapse so people could see how much I was hurting. Finally, after a "go to the doctor, you bloody fool" email from my loving wife, I did. Dr. Lentham, who I'd gone to before for my other headaches, looked on my file, and tried to offer my Cafergot. "You gave me that last time," said I. "The caffeine nearly did my head in." (see earlier post for caffiene related wackiness). So after hearing how bad it was, he prescribed Durotram XR (or tramadol hydrochloride to those playing at home) along with a huge pack of dissolveable aspirin. Instructions? Take one Durotram before bed. It will slowly dissolve over 24 hours, and take 3 aspirin when I get a headache, and 2 more if it doesn't help after 3 hours. I took the Durotram last night. I woke up at 1:00am with another lightning blast. Got up, took the aspirin, went back to bed. Did I mention that my brain tends to process the pain visually? Blame years of video games and TV. When it hits, I usually involuntarily picture marching lightning bolts raining destruction. Last night? It was raining fire. Odd, surreal, cartoon fire. I eventually got up and slept on the couch to spare Tanja my tossing and turning. This morning, I was wide-awake at 7:15 with the oddest feeling. I'm still in pain, but I feel like my head is numb. As I described on Twitter, it's like I'm standing between two white sheets on two clotheslines, looking West, while behind the East sheet is a huge grey silhouette (that would be the pain). There's a breeze blowing, and the sheets move and someties I get a glimpse of the grey in the corner of my eye (followed by a brief, but solid pain that, were it in a comic book, with have the sound effect "SPANG" like the glint of sunlight off a blade), but then it will fade back. And, if you'll keep to the metaphor for a moment, I don't want to turn, or move too quickly, because the sheets are barely any refuge. I feel fragile, like a spiderweb.

 

Also, if I may dirgress for a moment, I'm finding myself focusing on things too intently. Anyone who's known me for the afore-mentioned 5 minutes also knows that I doodle. A lot. Almost compulsively. It's a habit I picked up in high school, carried on to university, and worked into my various careers, be they retail, on-phone, or managerial. When I was on the phones, I could go through a pen in 5 days. As a symptom, I've also gained the habit of buying pens (usually gel pens of varying brands, I prefer 0.7mm points or above, rollerball better than brush) from newsagents. I have a huge pencil-case at work (which at one point 6 months ago, was raided and many of my pens stolen, which displeased me to no end). I usually have a few in my backpack, in case the mood strikes me. This morning, as I was watching The Digg Reel & iFanboy, trying to relax, I had grabbed the desk calender from the computer room and was using my Pilot Vpen (you know, the ones with the fountain pen nib?) to doodle. My usual subjects are stars, which I've taight myself to draw freehand, without interior lines, specifically what some people refer to as "<punk stars", but compounded with many layers, and random words being said around me or thought by me in block letters, usually serif, done in alternating outline and filled styles, though occasionally I'll like the look of certain letter) were being used, but I realised something: I was bringing my face closer and closer as I drew, the edges becoming sketchier and sketchier, like something out of a Spawn comic (ironically one of the discussion points on iFanboy). After a while I was not paying attention to the show, just watching myself draw. I had to shake my head to break my concentration. Is this part of the medication? I don't know.

 

And I still find it ironic that a potentially side effect listed for headache medication is "headache".

Costanza'd

So this week is sort of planned out for Tanja and I. I'm on 1:30-9:30 shifts, and we're planning our barbecue on Sunday. So Tanja made a huge spinach pie/quiche thing, with the intent that it can be my lunch and her dinner over a couple of days (Monday & Wednesday). I was to make chilli on Tuesday, which would be my lunch and her dinner for Tuesday and Thursday. Also, at some point, I was to take down the skeletal remains of the pagola in our backyard, and also make a trip to Dan Murphy's to pick up booze.

So this morning, Tanja takes the mince out of the freezer so it'll be defrosted by Tuesday. then goes to work, reminding me of the schedule on the way out. I get up, have my breakfast and coffee, loaf around a bit watching Avatar, then decide, "Okay, time to take down the pagola". It goes relatively smoothly, with me not having to hacksaw anything, and only one of the pieces dousing me in liquified rust. I get finish, wash all the grease & crap off my hands and glance at the clock. It's 10:41.

"Oh no," says I. "I need to get the chilli on the stove. It takes an hour to cook, and if I still want time to eat it, I'll need to start right now!"

So I do. I prep the vegetables, get the spices, get the onion simmering, then take the mince out. It's frozen solid. "Stupid fridge!" says I. "It's almost like it hasn't been out of the freezer more than an hour!" So I use the microwave and a hot knife to break it into pieces.

I get the chilli simmering, realising it'll finish at 12:30, and that'll only leave me like 10 minutes to eat. I make my sandwich, and wrap it up. I go to put the lettuce back into the fridge when I see the spinach pie. And realisation hits me.

I call Tanja and explain that I'm an idiot. She really agrees.

So now I'm putting the chilli in Tupperware as soon as it finishes, wrapping up some Spinach pie, and having that today.

Also? Today being Monday? I start at 1, not 1:30. So I'll have like 10 minutes to get to my train.

For I am Costanza, Lord of Idiots.

Required: One Padded Room

As I discussed here (4^th paragraph), I had been approached in early June to do some shirts for a promotions company. Well, after 7 weeks of silence, I got a phone call while waiting for the train this morning.

 

“Oh, yes, it’s So-and-so. Can we still get two shirts with just the name, not the design?”

“Ummm, I suppose. I still have the shirts I bought last time.”

“Yeah, those will do. Can we have them by Saturday?”

“Ummm. I guess.”

“Okay, do you have other So-and-so’s number?”

“No. And I can’t write it down. I’m at a train station.”

“I’ll call you later when you’ll be able to write it down.” *click*

 

It took me a moment, but then I was so angry I wanted to thrash around and scream. 7 freakin’ weeks!?!? No word? I mean, come on! I’m a cottage industry and I’m more professional than these mooks. I don’t even know if I have the designs anymore, as I’ve deleted most of them thinking, oh I don’t know, that I’d never hear from them again!

 

So (since I have the inability to say no to people who want to pay me), I’ll do their two shirts, and then I’ll give them a serve. I might type it, so I can get the tone right.

 

Sigh. It’s hard out there for a pimp t-shirt maker.

 

 

Lucas Brown | Proxy Champignon
Master of Brainthinking

 

Eventual bad morning.

I had a crappy evening/morning combination. See, I got home at 10 or o, and decided to work on the logo for Tanja's intramural office thing. So I did that for a while, and Tanja went to bed, reminding me to set up "breakfast stuff". You see, when one of us needs to get up early, the other usually set up the coffee-maker and the dishes for cereal and juice and stuff so the morning person can just switch it on and avoid thought and responsibility. After a while of struggling with the PC and its inability to handle having more than two things open without shutting one down, I gave up and shut down for the night. I also noticed that the light was on in the bedroom and I heard the unmistakable turn of a page. Tanja was still up reading, of course, looking guilty. Next morning, wake up around 7, and Tanja's informing me that I forgot to sort out the breakfast things. I shamble, unrequested, out of bed and attempt to help, but she tells me to go back to bed. I try, but never really get back to sleep. Got up later, and finished work on the logo. After that, I realized that I'd better hightail it to the gym if I was going to get back in time to get ready. So I decided not to go to them gym. And then did nothing with the extra time. I tried to watch the Blu-Ray of Batman: Gotham Knight, but I couldn't get into it. I kept focusing on the bad people animations in the first story. So I turned it off. Tried watching Looney Tunes: Stranger than fiction, but again, the animation quality was terrible, and the jokes weren't funny. Turned it off. I got distracted, watered the plants, and then boom, hour to go. Showered, tried to fight with hair, which was big and frizzy. Hated it. Went to get dressed. Felt like none of my clothes were fitting. I get myself halfway sorted and head out the door, almost immediately sweating thanks to the blasted humidity. I start walking, knowing that I need to stop at the post office to send off something for eBay. On the way to the post office, I start to listen to my new Cat Empire live album. For some reason it seems really all over the place, badly mixed or just uninspired (although I blame my state of mind). And let's not forget the BIG HUGE TRUCKS and busses that drive by revving their engines and deafening those of us on the sidewalk with roaring sonic mud, completely drowning out any music, headphones notwithstanding. Then huge line at the post office. Takes forever to send off my parcel. Grab a bus afterwards, and get a pile of noisy high school kids sitting around me. Tanja calls to say she got the logos, and asks if I hung out the washing the way I had said I would. Crap. Of course I forgot. I offer to hop off the bus and go into work late, but she says no, it's okay. Throughout the whole thing I could barely hear her.

So there you go. A crappy morning. Not that I had construction outside the window to wake me up, or that I lost $20 or anything like that, but lots of little annoyances. Also, later, at work, the pasta I brought wouldn’t reheat all the way, so I ate it mostly cold, and my throat rejecting it about three-quarters of the way through.

You know, sometimes, I daydream about breaking my leg or something that would sideline me from the day-to-day for a little while (is that strange?). Not that I hate work or anything, but I think that the last couple of weeks of constantly having something due has left me in a slightly frenzied state where I feel like I’m constantly slacking off, even when I have nothing I need to do right then. Weird.

And my feet are aching for some reason.

Nerd Alert!

So I was awoken this morning by anger from Tanja. You see, we've been going to the gym for two weeks as of today, and instead of losing piles and piles of weight as she expected, she's actually gained a fifth of a kilo. I tried to explain that I to hadn't lost much, but we've just started.... then gave up and went back to sleep. When I woke up again, it was still going on. I got up, had my coffee and joined in the debate. After a while, I made a passing comment about Tanja taking on a Godzilla vibe. This was met with a deadly silence. Then:

T: "So I'm a big, fat, green, scaly LIZARD?"
L: "No, come on! Godzilla's all muscle!... Except the tail."
*beat*
T: "Oh, come on, the tail would be the most muscular bit!"
L: "And city-stomping burns lots of calories. Full body workout."
T: "Yeah, it would be..."
L: "And fire-breath is fuelled by fat."
T: "Hmmm...."

Tanja was then interrupted when I launched myself at her, hugging her and laughing.

T: "What?"
L: "I'M SO PROUD! We're having a discussion about Godzilla's body-make-up and exercise routine. YOU NERD! I'm so proud!"

Heh.

If you don’t want my peaches, baby, why’d you shake my tree?

In other words, if the world doesn’t want me to get angry, why does it keep doing STUPID THINGS?!?

So. I emerged from a nightmare of bureaucratic horror this morning (a bureaucrat being defined (by Dictionary.com no less) as “an official who works by fixed routine without exercising intelligent judgment”). I’ve been trying to get my passport renewed, which has been made difficult by the following facts:

1. The passport office is only open until 12 on weekdays.
2. It’s a labyrinth of paperwork and authorisations.
3. I’m really lazy so haven’t done the work in the months leading up to the deadline of the 8th of November.

Ok, first there are the forms. I fill them out, and hit the first roadblock. I don’t have a guarantor. A guarantor is classified as a banker, minister or lawyer who has known you personally for two years or more. I refuse to associate with these people, except my mother, who doesn’t count due to having birthed me. So there’s another form to fill out. And get notarised. Now, this morning, I was meant to start at 11 am. I cleared it with Rick to come in later if need be due to all the running around. So. First thing’s first. I’ve got to get my passport photos.

They take the most wretched photo I’ve ever seen. Say it’ll be 30 minutes. So I hang around Newtown waiting. Come back. Instead of giving me the photos in the legally required format of four-square, they’ve cut the photos individually. I say no, I need them together. They say it’ll be another 10 minutes. I wait, grab the pictures, and then go to the courthouse to get the ill-tempered Justices of the Peace there (Justice-of-the-Peaces? Justi of the Peace?) to notarise all the documents (which include a photocopy of my passport, despite the real passport being in the pack, because hey, I refer to the passport in a different sub-section of the paperwork).

I ask them to sign the photos first. She taps a sign. “WE DO NOT NOTARISE PASSPORT APPLICATIONS OR PHOTOS”. Fuck. Well, who does? She says she could print me a list, and then disappears back into the cubicles. I wait. Another guy asks if he can help. I start to explain, but he taps the sign again and says “We don’t sign photos.” “I KNOW! I just need to know who does.”

So he prints me a three-page list of JPs. Just phone numbers. No names. It is at this point I realise that the photos were not stamped on the back with where they were printed and when, making them invalid. I go back to the camera shop. They stamp the photos. With difficulty.

But before I do this, I call Tanja. Saying it’s all a fucking shambles. That I can’t get things notarised. And now I don’t have time to go to the consulate today.

She says I probably should have been better organised.

I reply incredibly rationally to this comment. I’m so calm it’s scary. I deliver a treatise on bureaucratic socialism and economic reform (Ok, no, I ranted and raved and was stupid, but give me a break).

So I come in to work, remembering a throwaway comment made by Rick that the Big Boss is a JP. I see the Boss on the way in. No, he says, I’m not a JP.

At this point I went numb.

So anyway, I’m relating this to Tanja via email that no, Big Boss can’t notarise stuff.

Tanja: "It's just ridiculous, isn't it. Can you call the consulate back and see if they can verify everything for you? I think I saw that on the paperwork that they will do this, but charge an additional $50 for it. Perhaps you can just take everything in and sort it out then and there."

Me: *furiously telephones the consulate in the two minutes left before 12 and finds out that yes, you can do that* “Hey, we can!”

Tanja: “Whosaclevergirlthen!”

Yes, she is.

They're gonna put me in the movies...
They're gonna make a big star outta me....
They've wrote a role for a man that's pissed and angry...
And all I have to do is... act naturally.....

Human Germ!!!

• Blowing up human jets as a Decepticon helicopter is more fun than it should be. Puny earthlings! You dare?!?
  
• A good soundtrack for this game? Maybe I should make an album:
  

Primus - Hellbound 17 1/2 (Theme From)

Soil - Breaking Me Down

Kidney Thieves - Before I Die

Marilyn Manson - Personal Jesus

Primus – Lacquer Head

Cherrybomb – Manitoba

Voodoo People – Prodigy

• Less so? The Waitress, by the Waifs. Stupid Random iPod.
  
• Man, Bumblebee handles like crap. Well, at least in his early form.
  
• Blackout does burnouts like a Decepticon should. Oh, and running head-on into a police car, and watching it fly up, physics be damned (the only explanation is that Transformers are MUCH denser and have a hell of a lot more mass than Earth materials), and then you fire a missile on the way down and blow it to slag? Awesome.
  
• You get great spanking firearms in this game, but much like Path of Neo, they only work against the lowest-level enemies (basic drones, and humans). Anything above that has a shield that works for missiles and bullets.
  
• And hey! Starscream sounds like Odo from DS9 (he's not, though. I checked).

Blast!

Here I am, up at 9:02 am on my day off and there's NO ONE in TikiBarTV Chat. Of course, there's USUALLY no one there, due to our being on the other side of the world. Stupid hemisphere.

That's it. I'm going to go play Transformers: The Game on PS2.

...

Stupid Autobots. I don't WANT to drive, save people, then drive. I want to blow shit up! If I wanted to chase people, then fight for five seconds, then chase again, I'd play Ultimate Spider-Man. Again.

The Decepticon missions should be more blowing-shit-up intensive.

...

WTF, how am I supposed to level an army base in two minutes?

I need more coffee.

Ugh.

I've been waking up with a headache every day this week. It's always on the left side, starting at behind my eye, travelling across my scalp and then setlling at the base of my skull. Ugh. I'm chewing through my asproclear and nurofen supplies.

On the plus side, beat Marvel: Ultimate Alliance. Again.

Also, everyone go to Adrian's blog. It's in my links.

Whew.

Man, I'm up early.

So.

Let's get random (in an Anna-like posting style. In your face miss_adventure!)!

I need a hat rack. Although, admittedly, we'd have no room in the apartment for it, the current state of affairs (balancing all 7 hats on top of the bookshelf) is not going to work well for long. Dust and things falling are becoming an issue.


I've made a Killers t-shirt, but have nowhere to put the girl silhouette. I've got the band name in the middle of the chest, and I don't know whether the girl should go on the front-shoulder-right/left, bottom hem right/left, back-bottom hem left/right or back middle centre.


I've rented Big Fish and I, Robot. Tell me right now if they are any good without revealing a single plot detail!


I'm downloading the Black Keys "thickfreakness" album for the second time.My first copy went to me Marketing Mix prof for educational purposes. Now I'm slightly bitter because after I burned it the first time, I deleted it off the harddrive. Oh well. Hooray for lack of download limitations.


One more point for the Cat Empire being inexorbitantly cool: on the "On The Attack" DVD, they play a French acoustic version of Hotel California with melodica accompanyment. And they make it sound good.


I think I'm going to start updating the comic once a week, one strip per week. this whole leaving-it-for-a-month-and-then-making-ten-comics-in-one-day thing has got to go. Of course, as I say this, I've just put up a crapload of new comics.


In Australia, laptop computers have a tendency to, on hot or humid days, overheat ridiculously fast and then shut themselves down.


Black cats look orange under sunlight.


And remember... you don't have to outrun the bear... you only have to outrun your friends.

'Morning.

I went out to the little store at 7:25 this morning to get milk. I went barefoot, as it's not far, but then I realized that since it rained last night, the street was covered in snails. There aren't supposed to be snails on the street. Especially when you're barefoot. It's not right. Anyway, it's meant to be earthworms. Not snails.

Tanja's taking a mental health day today. And I have 12 hours of work today. Buggery.