Carnie Fight Near Miss

So there's this house that's on my way to work. For the last week it's had a pile-o-stuff in it's front yard, near the sidewalk. Several boxes of CDs, twice that of piled books, a TV, a VCR, a broken bookcase, and 5 or six garbage bags. It basically looks like they've laid things out for the council to pick up, but have left them for the usual Newtown Removalist Group, ie passerby to pick up if they want. I've had my eye on the CDs section of this pile for a while. I pass it at least 4 times a day (to and from the gym, and to and from work).  Today, on the way back from the gym, I made my move. I began sorting through the CDs, crouching down to look through the boxes. I've been looking for about 5 minutes, when I hear the door open. There stands a pissed-off looking woman. The following conversation ensues, with her tone angry and insulted and my tone confused and wary:

Her: "What do you think you're doing?"

Me: "Oh, I was just having a look. Was I-"

"You could have knocked on the door! You've got a nerve just pawing through!"

"Uh, ok. I just thought, I mean this stuff's been here for a week, and I-"

"Well, you could have knocked!"

"Uh, ok, sorry, I mean, if this stuff not for the taking, I'll go. I'll just leave it-"

"IT'S JUST RUDE!"

"...Well-"

"These things ARE for the taking, but you should have knocked on the door!"

"Okay. I'm sorry."

"Well?"

"I said I'm sorry."

*she goes back inside*

 

So I grabbed the CDs I had picked out and went home. At first I was embarrassed, but as I got closer to home, I got angrier. I mean, if these things were so bloody precious to her, maybe she shouldn't have left them outside, when it's rained several times in the past week.  So I submitted the issue to several people at work. Marty thought that due to it being on her "verge", then I probably should have, but he agreed she overreacted.  Fair enough, but geez.

 

Sincerely, Internet's...

Lucas Brown

Now completely legal (in the states he's not banned)!

 

The Old Military Prayer...

So I was at work Monday the 18th, right? I had got a single, not a return train ticket, because the day before my manager had given me a lift home. She apparantly hadn't brought her car Monday, so I was forced to take the train.

Now, as I ran down to the station at 11:30, the gates were open (as they often are late at night), and my train was leaving in under a minute. I figure, bugger it, I don't have time to grab a ticket, they hardly ever check. I hopped onto the train, went to Redfern, switched platforms (noticing the gates were open here too), and caught the train to Newtown.

I get off the train and walk down the platform, playing Craig's gameboy advance (a boon to the commuter). As I reach the bottom of the stairs and look up, I stop dead. There are two train guards at the top, checking tickets.

I freeze, about-face, and start walking back up the platform, muttering "ohfuckohfuckohfuckohfuckohfuck..." and other such intellectual expressions. My brain is whirring a mile a minute. I walk up to the timetable and see that in 20 minutes, at 12:15, there's train back to Redfern. I can always walk back. I also check my wallet. Might there be an old ticket I could bluff with? Nope. All I find is a Newtown to Hornsby return from the 13th. Oh weel, I'll be ok, as long as they don't come down onto the platform, right?

Oh shit, they're coming down to the platform. They must have noticed my ever-so-stealthy deer-in-the-headlights pose at the bottom of the stairs. I don't look up and pretend to be engrossed in Final Fantasy Tactics.

Guard: "'Scuse me, mate, but could we see your ticket?"
Me: "Umm, yeah sure." *hand them the Hornsby return from the 13th with a straight face*
*pause*
Guard: "Oh, ok. Here you go. *hands ticket back* There's one last train from here, isn't there?"
Me: "Ummm... yeah, the 12:15."
Guard: "You must have just missed the last one."
Me: "Must have. Heh. Heh."
Guard: "Ok, thanks. Have a good night." *returns to his post at the top of the stairs*
Me: *dies*

So I wait the 20 minutes, calling Tanja and letting her know I'll be a bit late (and waking her up, poor thing). I get the train to Redfern, step off, and there are guards there too. I walk up, hand the the Hornsby ticket, which they hand right back, I walk up the stairs and out the open gates. Homefree.

So, that military prayer in the title? It's an old one, but a good one.

"Thank the Lord for people stupider than me."