Cooking Sunday: Sticky Chicken Tortillas

Look, ma! I made a video!



I might edit and post the actual recipe later.

Edit: it's later.

Cooking Sunday: White Chocolate Blondies

This recipe originally came from a Revision3 podcast (now sadly cancelled) called Food Mob. It was an interesting show, with very cool recipes, but it had a flaw. The chef, Niall, would be cooking on the fly, and was a bit haphazard with measurements. Often what he would use would differ from the show notes on the website. The show notes themselves would often omit necessary steps and ingredients, or worse, list an ingredient, then never mention it in the instructions. As a result, to get a working recipe, you had to watch the show repeatedly, take notes, compare to the recipe in the show notes, and work out something yourself through trial and error.

This can be frustrating.

But here's one I've adapted from Niall's version and made multiple times. Fair warning, this is a very rich desert. Goes great for bake sales, but if you ate a whole batch to yourself, you might explode. And we wouldn't want that.

White Chocolate Blondies

THIS IS WHAT TO DO:

• Preheat your oven to 200 degrees.
• Take your butter out of the fridge. It'll be hard as a rock, so you can do this ages before, or, if you're stupid like me, you can put it into a ziploc bag, wrapper and all, and dip that bag into some hot water until it softens. Alternatively, you can put a baking tray with an inch of boiling water on the counter and rest the base of your metal mixing bowl in that. Did I mention you'll need a big metal bowl? You'll need a big metal bowl.
• take your big metal bowl (see? Told you.) and dump in your brown sugar. When your butter is soft enough (and you'd better hope it is), put it in with the brown sugar.
• Now comes the hard part. Get a wooden spoon or flat spatula, and mix the butter and sugar together, creaming them. It'll take some muscle. Don't use a whisk. Don't use an electric mixer. Both will just make a big mess and you'll spend half your time trying to pick the mixture out of the mixing-device-beater-tool-tong-thing. Think of this as character building, and reminisce about the last RPG character you made and how awesome they were until the game got boring.
• Now once your mixture is well blended and there are no lumps of butter in it, it should look like this:

• Add your flour, baking powder, salt, and baking soda to the wet mix, get your spatula, and mix it all together again. It'll separate out into little globs, but keep mixing. It'll get smooth again.
• Break the egg into the bowl and mix again. You arm might be tired at this point. Switch arms. Seriously, you could hurt yourself.
• Once you've mixed the egg in, spread a handful of walnuts onto a chopping board. Oh, crap, did i forget to put walnuts on the list? You need walnuts. Write that down. So. the walnuts. Spread 'em out like this:

• (the picture is actually two handfuls) Run your knife through them, chopping into little bits. You could use a food processor or a mortar and pestle. Listen to your heart. Pour your chopped-up walnuts into the mixture and stir them in again. You thought you were done with the stirring? No, no, is no done.
• Get your vanilla pod.

• Slice the pod lengthwise and use your knife to scrape out the speckly stuff inside. Into the bowl with it. Stir thoroughly, making sure all the speckles are spread around.
• Measure out your chocolate chips. I use white chips, but really, you can use whatever you like. Into the mix with them and stir for the last time, I promise. The mix should be really thick by this point to where you can stand the spoon up in the bowl with no trouble, to whimsical effect:

Or you could fantasize about the world's unhealthiest lollipop:

Ahem. Anyhow.

• Get your pan, and lay down some baking paper. Scoop your mixture onto it, and flatten it down to about 4cm thick. Make sure there's baking paper between the mix and the pan, otherwise it'll stick.


• Into the oven with it. 20 minutes. Open the oven door, and poke a skewer into the middle. If it comes out wet, give it another 5 minutes.
• Take the tray out of the oven and let it sit for a few minutes, to let it settle back down (I didn't know what the opposite verb for "rise" was). It ought to look like this:

• As soon as you can, use the paper to lift the whole thing out of the pan and set it on a cutting board or tray. Peel the paper edges away and let it breathe:

• As soon as you can (again), chop the whole thing into squares and carefully lift them off the baking paper onto some paper towel (if you do this too soon, they'll fall apart. Judge it). The reason for the rush it that the blondies will leak butter as they cool. The last thing you want is that butter sitting on the paper and making the bottom of your squares soggy. You may need to move them carefully onto new paper towels a couple of times. Once they've settled, you're done! You can dust 'em with icing sugar, but really, they're fine on their own. See?

Cooking Tuesday: Egyptian Stuffed Flatbread

So, despite my initial idea that I had done quite a few of these recipe posts, turns out I only actually did two. Go figure. I thought I had at least three. Oh well. This is one of my go-to "we're hungry, it's a weeknight, hurry up!" recipes.

Egyptian Stuffed Flatbread

I have no idea if this is authentically Egyptian, but frankly, I don't care. It's good. Serves two as a meal, or 4 as a starter. Goes great with soups.

DO THIS FIRST

--Your Oven

Preheat it as high as it will go. Seriously.

--Prep Your Bits:

It just sounds so rude! Nah, basically, all this step involves is taking whatever bits you're using (chicken, lamb, pork, etc) and chopping it up into bite-sized pieces. Admittedly, if you don't have any leftovers, you can just buy a couple of thigh fillets, cook them on a grill and chop them up. But the idea here is to use what you already have in the fridge. Though not pizza. Anyway, chop the bits and put them in a mixing bowl.

--Start Your Mixture

You know that bowl with the bits in it? Crack in the two eggs, and dump in your spices. Zest your lemon, chop the zest up fine, and throw it into the bowl as well. Squeeze on half of the lemon over the bowl. Slice up your spring onions and put about 3/4 of them into the bowl too (keep a few aside for later). Pinch of salt, bit of pepper, into bowl. Mix the whole shebang together, making sure all your bits are coated and the eggs get beaten. You could beat the eggs before, but that's another step and another bowl to wash.

--Flatbreads

Get out your baking trays. This bit is done easiest with spray olive oil. Spray the inside of one tray and lay your flatbread in it. I use two if they're big, three or four if they're small. You're going to be folding them over like a quesadilla, so just put your filling onto one half. Smooth it out with your spoon, so it's level. Keep it clear of the edges, or it'll run out. Now spray the bottom of the second tray with your oil, fold the flatbreads over, and put the second tray on top, so it holds them down. This also means both sides will get crispy.

NOW THE ACTUAL COOKING (sort of)

Put the trays into the oven for 8 minutes.

WHILE THIS IS HAPPENING (I love dramatic headings)

Get a big plate. In the middle, dollop your yogurt. Grab a handful of mint leaves and tear them up over the yogurt.

Wait a bit. A small bit. Until the 8 minutes is up. I don't know, maybe sing a little song or something.

Ding! Flatbreads are done. Take them out of the oven (the top layer should make noise when you tap it with a fork. Seriously) and lay them out on your cutting board. Slice the flatbreads into triangles (or trapezoids or dodecahedrons) and arrange them in a circle on the plate around the yogurt. Leave one side of the plate free, and dollop on your hommous, making a little well in the middle of the homous and pouring on some olive oil.

Scatter over your leftover spring onions and a little bit more sumac, cumin and zahtar (don't go mad, though).

And that's it! Mine usually ends up looking something like this:

*Disclaimer: original recipe from JAMIE'S AMERICA by Jamie Oliver. I do not claim to own this recipe, I just make it a lot. Dude, why would I claim this is mine? I don't want to get sued.

Cooking Monday: Aussie Berko

So yeah, that whole "I'll do this every week thing? That was a crock. I suck at deadlines. So i'm using this Monday off to take back up the torch (wow, way to grammar, guy).

I was going to put another easy-to-vegan recipe here, but Ted has informed me that he's just bought like 3 vegan cookbooks, so needs no new things right now. So yeah! Meat.

AUSSIE BERKO (or osso bucco)
This is a survival ration (the ingredients are dead cheap), but it's also a warming, filling comfort food dish. It's also stupidly easy, so if you're worried about not having much time to sort something out for a dinner party/movie night, this is your Woodstock.
serves 4

UTENSILS

• Plastic Bag
• Casserole Dish (one that has a lid, can go on the stove AND fit in the oven)
• Tongs
• Knife
• Oven mitts
• Ladle
  

INGREDIENTS

• 1 tablespoon flour
• 4 pieces of gravy beef "osso buco" (BEEF, not VEAL. Ask your butcher. Make sure you get the pieces with the bone in (teehee). This is a REALLY cheap cut, often less that $9.95 a KILO. For serious)
• 1-2 tablespoons of olive oil
• 1 carrot (roughly chopped)
• 1 celery stalk (roughly chopped)
• 2 garlic cloves (squished)
• Small handful of whatever fresh herbs you have (rosemary, basil and parsley work well.)
• Half a 400g tin of chopped or whole Italian tomatoes
• 1 longneck (750 mL) of decent stout or dark beer (get Coopers, or Sheaf if you can, avoid the hell out of Guinness, it's too sour for this)
• Loaf of good bread (optional. I like carbs with my foods)
  

DO THIS FIRST

• VEGGIE PREP
  Chop up your celery and carrots and squish your garlic. Don't be too fiddly, they're going to be cooking for a fair bit. Rip up your herbs, but avoid the stems if you're using rosemary or thyme or anything that has stems.
• MEAT
  Get your plastic bag. Be sure it's decently thick, as you're about to put meat into it and shake it around. So put in your meat and tip in the spoon of flour. Close the bag and give it a shake so the meat is coated.

NOW THE ACTUAL COOKING BEGINS

• Preheat your over to 150 C (300 F, gas 2)
  
• Put your casserole dish on the stove on medium heat. Pour in your olive oil and let it warm up. Once it's hot, put the meat in. This is why you want a decent sized casserole dish, so the meat can all lay flat and brown evenly. Let the meat cook and brown, turning it only once. When both sides are looking cooked, use your tongs to take the meat out.
• If the base of the pan is looking a bit burnt, add a bit more oil, then toss in your carrot, celery, garlic and herbs. Cook for about 6 minutes, stirring often. While this is going on, drink half your stout. Make sure there's about 375 mL (about 1 and a half cups) left.
  
• Turn the heat up as high as it'll go, and return the meat to the dish. Pour in the remaining stout and half your tin of tomatoes. Give everything a big stir. Let it come to a gentle simmer. Once it's bubbling about the edges, use your oven mitts to put it into your oven.
• Wait 45 minutes, then take the lid off and turn the meat over.
• Wait another 45 minutes. Hey, you could watch a movie and drink more beer in this time! :D
• Pull your dish out of the oven and have a look. The meat should be just coming away from the central bone (teehee).
  
• If you've got bread, cut a few thick slices and put it at the bottom of each bowl.
  
• Put each piece of meat in a bowl, and ladle over some of the sauce and veggies. Be sure to eat the marrow in the middle. It's good for you, and will put some chest on your chest.

And that's it! You could serve potatoes or rice with this, but why guild the lily? Booze suggestion: stout! If you're a wine person, get out the big gun shirazeseses you've been holding onto. Hunter Valley ones with a bit of age, or South Australian n00bs if'n you're cheap.

*original recipe from Cooking Under The Influence by Ben Canaider and Gregg Duncan Powwell, two of my favourite food, wine and beer authors. Like seriously, buy anything these two write. I do not claim to own this recipe, I just make it a lot. Dude, why would I claim this is mine? I don't want to get sued.

Cooking Sunday: Dan Dan Noodles

So hey! This is idea I've had for ages, both to share knowledge and to force myself to blog more often (and not just when I feel like whining). Let's call it Recipe Sunday. The whole idea behind making it a regular weekly thing is to force myself to blog in between so that it's not all recipes. So I'm actually tricking myself. Because, let's face it,. I'm not terribly quick on the uptake.

Right! So cooking is something I came to late in life (well, at least properly), and it was initially saddled by my tendency to stress out when things aren't going exactly perfectly right.

This is something I'm working on.

I've found that through a combination of practice, the right recipes, and not having Tanja in the kitchen when I'm cooking (I'm serious, I tend to freak out if she's within arm's reach of any food I'm preparing), I can stay mellow and poised and all that crap.

I know some of my friends cook, but the recipes I'll be posting are stuff I find works for weekday nights, or weekend movie nights. You know, stuff you guys might not normally try.

Most of these recipes come from cookbooks, but I'll make reference to the original source, as well as any adjustments I've had to make (because cookbooks LIE to you sometimes, kids. SUBTERFUGE!).

Without further lily-gilding, I present the first recipe:

(AND SEE? i JUST SAT HERE FOR 5 MINUTES THINKING WHICH RECIPE SHOULD BE THE FIRST. Because I don't want to make it too advanced, but I also don't want it to suck.)

So I give you (for real this time, promise):

FIERY DAN DAN NOODLES*
(and don't get scared, the fieriness is totally adjustable, like the seat back of your car)
serves 4, or 2 hungry people

UTENSILS

• Wooden spoon
• colander
• Big spaghetti-type pot
• Big non-stick pan
• Knives (duh)
• Measuring spoons and crap
• Mortar and pestle (if you're awesome)
• More spoons or a blender/food processor (if you're not)
• A mug
• tongs

INGREDIENTS

• 1 Chicken stock cube (you can use the non-meat ones, it tastes exactly the same, and lets your vegan buddies chill)
• 500g beef mince (stay with me, vegan bros)
• 2-4 tablespoons of honey (the measurement is approximate because you really need to eyeball this)
• 1 375g packet hokkien noodles (or wheat noodles, or udon, or whatever you like)
• 4 handfuls of mixed green veg (after trial and error, I find what works best is broccoli, choy sum, bok choi, Chinese broccoli or Chinese cabbage. Avoid broccolini, cauliflower or things like that because they stay too tough at the end)
• 4 cloves of garlic, peeled (use less if you have big honking monster cloves)
• 3 tablespoons soy sauce
• 2 teaspoons ground Szechuan pepper (grind it first, then measure, or else you'll have too much)
• 5 tablespoons of chilli oil (you can buy, it, but come on. It's really easy to make, and if you make it yourself, you can control it better)
• 1 Spring Onions, sliced thin on the diagonal (mostly for show, so omit if you want)
• 1 lime, cut in quarters.

Now this is where I mess with the recipe format. In the book I found this in, the instructions have you doing a lot of crap at once, which only served to stress me out. I prefer to do all this stuff first so that when the heat (and the pressure) is on, you can just dump in various bowls.

DO THIS FIRST
-- Make the chilli oil:
Like I said above, this is totally up to you. You can use ground chili, chilli flakes, or dried chillies. You can use fresh chilli, or some of those wierd packets of BBQ spice if you want. Basically get your powders or chillies or whatever into a bowl and squish them. Use a mortar and pestle, or a spoon, or a food processor or what have you. Add oil (about 5 tablespoons) a bit at a time, stirring, until you have a paste-type thing. You don't want bits. Tap a bit of it onto your tongue. If your tongue goes numb, it's too hot. You want it gradual, so add a bit more oil, stir and try again. Once the oil is done, put it aside.

-- Prep the veggies--
Bok choi: cut it into quarters lengthwise.
Broccoli: cut of the florets as small as you can get them.
Choy sum/Chinese broccoli: cut off the stems and discard, wash leaves. Leave 'em big.
Cabbage: shred it into strips, as big as you like.
Put all your veggies in a bowl and put aside.
Chop up your spring onions if you're using them and keep them apart from the other veggies.

--Make the mixture--
Grind your szechuan pepper. Use a pepper mill or the mortar and pestle or a processor or whatever. You want this like dust, or it'll get caught in someone's teeth. Grab two tablespoons of the powder and bowl it. Dump your soy sauce into the same bowl and mix it around. Garlic: peel your cloves, and either use a garlic press, or chop them up tiny if you're good with a knife. Now comes the chilli oil. Here's the thing: the recipe calls for 5 tablespoons of it, but not everyone can take that. I like to put in 3, and then let guests add more at the table if they want. Mix all of it together, so the garlic absorbs all the good flavoury stuff. Put this bowl aside.

Squeeze your honey into a mug or something microwave safe, and nuke it for 15 seconds, so it's runny. Use more than you think you'll need.

NOW THE ACTUAL COOKING BEGINS.

• Get a big non-stick pan and a big spaghetti-type pot (it's going to have a lot of crap in it) onto two burners. Put the pan on medium, and the pot on high. Fill the pot 3/4 with boiling water and drop in your stock cube. Don't worry, it's cool to sit like this for ages until you're ready.

• Pan. When it's hot, get your mince into it. DO NOT PUT OIL OR ANYTHING INTO THE PAN. YOU WILL ONLY BOLLOCKS THINGS UP. I'm watching you! Keep your mince moving around so it breaks up small. Here's the hard part. You have to sit and gentle move it around for 15 minutes. That's right. 15 minutes. The whole point is to cook away all the grease and liquid so the beef goes all golden and crunchy. It's on medium so it doesn't go BLACK and crunchy. This will take a while. Be patient. Have a drink. Talk to people. Tell an amusing story about a goblin. By the by, this is where the original recipe had you doing the veggies and garlic. Isn't this easier? Right. When your meat is crispy, use a spoon to pour in about two tablespoons of the honey and toss it about. If it doesn't completely coat the meat, add more (see why I had you make more?). Once the meat is coated, let it sit on the heat for 30 seconds to let the honey thicken, then take the whole pan off the heat and let it sit. You won't need it for a while.

• Pot, full of boiling stock at this point. Dump in your noodles for the amount of time the packet says to cook. For hokkien noodles, it's 3 minutes. About with a minute left to go, dump in all your veggies (if the pot's really full, don't worry, the leaves'll shrink). When the last minute is up, use the mug you used for the honey to scoop out about a cup of the cooking water, then pour the combined noodles and veggies into the colander, and give it a shake.

• Now for the flashy bit. Tip the noodles and veggies back into the big pot with the cup of cooking water and tip in your pepper-garlic-chilli-oil mix and mix it all about with tongs. Let it sit on the heat for about a minute, then take it off the stove.

• Get your serving bowls ready. Tongs. Scoop out the noodles evenly among bowls, making sure you pour some of the liquid over each. Get your beef pan, and sprinkle the beef over each bowl. Throw your chopped spring onions over each bowl, and finally, squeeze a lime wedge over each bowl.

And dude! That's it!

Like I said before, if your folks are down with the chilli, bring them a little bowl of the leftover oil and they can have at it.

VEGAN TIP: making this for both carnivores and vegans? Use non-meat stock, and just don't sprinkle the beef on their bowls (that sounded wrong). Also remember to give those bowls more noodles, considering that's all they're getting.

Despite all the steps, this dish looks way more complex than it is and always goes down well. It is, however, VERY garlicky, so if you don't dig that, halve the amount of garlic.

So yeah! Serve with crisp, dry-ish beers, like Asahi, Pure Blonde or Grolsch, or lighter wines like Sauvignon Blanc, sparkling, or Pinot Gris. If you want to really take it to the max (ugh, I just said that, didn't I?) try it with an IPA (India pale ale, hoppy, full-bodied and delicious, not for wimps). Or, you know, water. If that's your thing.

*original recipe from JAMIE'S AMERICA by Jamie Oliver. I do not claim to own this recipe, I just make it a lot. Dude, why would I claim this is mine? I don't want to get sued.