Fine Opinion Piece Ruined By Use of Facts

It's odd how things can look different with the benefit of hindsight and some new information. For example, I read yesterday (in a wonderful library book called GeekChic) that the character of Woodstock (Snoopy's lil bird buddy from from "Peanuts") does not speak in nonsensical bird-noises. He speaks binary. Huh.

Anyway.
(I'm stuffing this entry with literary allusions, quotes, and metaphor in order to disguise a few of the details.)

I, Jack-Sparrow-like, now find myself forced to state that "I'm in the market."

Borders, which always felt to me that I wandered, Ponder-Stibbons-like, throughout crowds of Deans, Chairs of Indefinite Studies, Ridcullys, Readers of Invisible Runes, and the occasional Bursar, is no longer my employer.

After the initial shock wore off, I've immersed myself in the job market through various websites, newspapers, nepotisms, and carrier pigeons. I found myself sympathising with a paragraph from Robert Rankin's Apocalypso:

"Porrig did, however, pass by Mad Jack's Used Car Emporium [his former employer. -me]. And here he paused to push a post-card through the letter-box. On the postcard were written words of apology, explaining that Porrig had, through no fault of his own, been forced into taking an early retirement. Porrig had been very careful indeed when penning this missive to couch it in terms that would not be likely to cause offence or risk retribution.
He had only used the word "fuckwit" twice in describing his employer."