In all the jobs I've worked at, I've never been the one people tell things to. The only time I actually get to hear things about someone is long after they've left the company. Then it's “Oh, you didn't know so-and-so was sleeping with what's-his-face? Everyone knows that.” Well, I didn't. And I get frustrated and feel deceived and lied to, even if the person wasn't a friend, just someone I might nod to on a daily basis. I know it's ridiculous; if I barely know the person, why would they share that with me? But nevertheless, I feel like I had the wool pulled over my eyes and stayed blissfully unaware. Tanja posits that it's because I'm different, being in a committed relationship,and therefore not as approachable as some of my single colleagues.
I feel similarly insecure about a few of my work relationships. I get along with certain people, but when left alone near them at a work function or meeting, I can barely think of anything to say. My first thought is “Wow, I really don't know this person at all.” I felt that way when I was a CSR, but I just figured it was because I was new and not too well-known. Now I'm a Team Leader and it happens just as often. Worse, I hear how some people talk about others they dislike, but then act nice to their faces. Does they talk about me that way? Then on the odd occasion I get a burst of negativity from someone, it's the nail in the coffin, the confirmation of what I suspected.
I know all of this is ridiculous and how I can't control any of it and should just not worry, but I do. An unfortunate side effect of all this insecurity is that I improvise, overreact, and act almost obnoxious. And then worry about coming off as obnoxious.
Sigh.
2 comments:
I didn't say you were 'different' because you were 'in a committed relationship'.
I pointed out that you're not a 'scenester' and never have been anyway, but it's even harder being a 'scenester' if you are in a committed relationship, because you're just not taking part in the activities where the haps are happening, don't go to as many of the functions (not at the pub 5 times a week cause you actually have a better place you wanna be - not the 'singles' scene full of singles who'd give anything not to be part of that tired old scene).
I also said that I see not being part of the gossip circuit as a good thing. The gossip kids might seem 'cooler', but in the end their partisan approach, lack of objectivity, reputation as gossips, tends to catch up.
I guess the difference between you and me is that I've always been happy not to be a 'scenester' and have always gotten acknowledgement for being the ojective one, the one people will come to when real stuff is happening.
Also, is it that important to know who has slept with whom? Or how many extra-marital affairs someone has had?
You're disappointed to find out that some people, on closer inspection, turn out to be nothing more than scum bags. Yeah, so what?
Isn't that why on some level you've never been attracted to being their friend? Possibly because on some level you could always identify that they don't deserve to be? YOu see it as you being rejected. Have you ever thought that perhaps unconsciously you've already done the selecting and rejecting?
Trust yourself and don't worry so much about hte opinions of others. You can't please everyone. Do your job in a way that gives you satisfaction and that meets the required criteria and other than that...switch off. Dissaociate.
Some people don't know shit about fuck and ain't worth you giving a fuck either.
- your loving wife
See, thats where my tactic of being openley hostile to people I don't like actually comes in handy - I used to be a lot like you at other jobs I've worked at; diplomatic and careful with my words, wanting people to get along and like me. But Salesforce just broke me, and I realised I was treating people with kid gloves for nothing.
And gossip only found its way to me because it was usually malicious. So it balanced out.
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