Wednesday, June 01, 2011

For the want of a look.

So today I bought myself a new 2 terabyte hard drive & some blank DVDs. They were in my satchel, which I could barely close. I went into Kmart, looking for Blutack & raffle tickets, found the Blutack. I was a little worried coming up to the cash register, because if they wanted to check my bag, I'd have to take everything out to get the receipt for the HD & DVDs. So I pay for the Blutack, she asks if I want a bag. I say no, I'll just put it in my bag. I then cram the Blutack into my overloaded bag. Which is clearly full of stuff. I wait a second to see if she's going to ask to check. She thanks me for shopping at Kmart. Okay. I leave. THE GATE BEEPS AS I LEAVE. I stop, turn back, and she waves me on. Incredible. And how can I get away with this amazing implied larceny?

Stealth technology. Camouflage. A cloak that allows me access to the benefit of the doubt and respectability. 

I am, of course, talking about corporate attire. 

It got me out of a train fine last week. I've not had a bag check at JB Hifi. Everyone is polite, and smiles. It's insane.

I mean, sure, I hate bag checks. Hate them so much that I'm tempted to steal something for every time they check my bag unnecessarily. But now I almost want them to. But I want them to for principle. Because that's why they've always said they've checked me before. "Oh, we check everyone." Which is bullshit. The addition of an eyebrow ring, two centimeters of sideburn on each side, and the removal of a collar? I'm criminal.

Of course, the opposite is true too. At one point, Tanja and I were at the Union having dinner, and I engaged the barman in conversation about some of the craft beer he orders. He was older than me, a real rockabilly guy, with tattoo sleeves, long sideburns and slick hair. As the conversation went on, I felt the urge to say something to show that I was cool, that I knew his scene or something. I resisted, thankfully. I hate those "Aw yeah, I used to have hair like that" conversations.

And yes, I'm aware of the hypocrisy of my resisting one group judging me on my (corporate) appearance and encouraging another group relating to me based upon my (non-corporate) appearance. 

I'm not done on this issue, but frankly, I'm confused as to my own message.

1 comment:

Electric Chikken said...

Confused? So am I, sir. But it's 8:ish am on a Sunday. Just about everything confuses me.

Incidentally, I only get checked for my bags about half the time and, should the gate thingy beep when they're not checked, I've always been waved away. On the occasions where my bag's been checked and I've had stuff from another store that the one I'm in might stock (say, cheaper fruit&veg from somewhere nearby), I've only had to show my receipt twice in my life. Otherwise, I've just been told that I don't need a receipt.

I don't usually wear corporate attire and oftentimes sport a beard.
There you go.