First Class

Saw X-Men First Class tonight. I piratified it, as I couldn't drag Tanja into a cinema when it was out (I worry that Captain America will suffer a similar fate).

I liked it. I liked it a lot. But the moment it was over, my brain fell upon it and started nitpicking. And I'm not talking the nitpicking of one who knows the source material, which I am. No, this what story-nerd stuff.

***spoilers, kind of***

Like how I felt that Michael Fassbender did an excellent job as Eric Lensherr, but was a terrible Magneto. The moment he put on the helmet and started speechifying, I stopped believing the character. Admittedly, the speechifying was always the most Bond-villian-y part of Magneto and it's the least realistic. Yes, less realistic than moving metal with one's mind.

This is kind of par for the course for each character. I'll say "I liked the portrayal of this person/character" but then when I start to think about why I liked them, I realise that they didn't really have much to do in the film, so as such, their actions have no explanation, like Mystique or Angel's turns to evil, or Havok, who was basically a blaster, who, as a side-effect, had blond hair. I liked Hank McCoy, but his furred Beast make-up looked silly. Though, as with Magneto, just about any vaguely comic-like version of Beast is going to look silly. Moira McTaggart was an unrelated American character, who frankly, could have been anyone.

Anyway, I keep telling myself, I liked it! Damnit, why can't I enjoy it. What's wrong with me? If I enjoy it, why can't I just enjoy it?

What I Got (Watching)

New look blog! Or at least, until I decide to change it again. The background seems to be the hardest thing to decide on. So expect further changes, as I am indecisive.

I've had all these posts rushing around in my head, so I'm going to try and combine them into a rapid-fire short-form-list of what I've been watching/reading/listening/Apping.

Is Apping a word? It is now.

Warning. Excessive linking ahead.

WATCHING With my longer commute, I've finally been delving into things I've had on the HDD for months, including Transformers Animated, Justice League, Teen Titans, and Transformers Prime. All are highly recommended, for different moods. T:A is arc-based, like Justice League, so it's great to watch the stories unfold when you can watch 3 or 4 episodes in a row. TT is much MUCH more episodic and far less serious (they even have a special Japanese version of the awesome PuffyAmiYumi theme song as a signal that it'll be a silly show). Transformers Prime is as if Beast Wars, War For Cybertron, and the Transformers film series had a crazy LAN Party/threesome which made beautiful shiny robotic baby, and then had it raised with the G1 series as a nanny, which is a strange image and I want you all to forget it. Thing is, I know the first half-season of ALL these shows are not the best. Persevere. They will Grow The Beard. Promise. Also, seeing all these awesome shows has made one I previously loved look a bit shallow. Batman Beyond was always my favourite of the DCAU, and compared to Justice League, frankly most of it seems a bit shallow (but I could listen to the theme song all day long). Oh, and the first season of Batman: The Animated Series sucked. Like a lot. At home, since we've run out of Castle, Modern Family, & Community (which we still love), and Big Bang Theory, Chuck and 30 Rock (which we're starting to wane on, due to Flanderization and Seasonal Rot), we've been looking into movies. The arrival of Netflix Instant streaming into our house caused an evening of Emma/How To Marry A Millionaire (which showcased examples of Politeness Judo & Ship-To-Ship Combat in the former and MegaNekko in the latter). It's also caused me to find the Astonishing X-Men Motion Comic. It's also caused an overabundance of choice, which has led to occasional BSOD moments when deciding what to watch. Happily, there's always Firefly. My podcast watching has slowed ever since I took a few weeks off watching Podcasts while trying to sort out my music library. Then they piled up and suddenly I have 14 episodes of FrameRate, 10 of NSFW, 42 of the Totally Rad Show and 17 Diggnations. Funnily enough, I was about to keep up with Destructoid, Appjudgment, Death Battle, and Bytejacker due to their shorter run times. Though Bytejacker is now on hiatus, which makes me sad.

Oh, crap, that took 34 minutes to write. I might need to pick this "What I Got" thing up later, as I must get ready for work.

Saturday.

Alternative Character Interpretation: Part 1

So this is part 1 of 4 of a series of thoughts I've been having based around characters, specifically those from Lord of the Rings and Fallout 3.

I've always been one to over-analyse. It's an interest I fostered in high school which then went into overdrive in University & beyond. As Simon Pegg put in in his autobiography "Nerd Do Well" (which I highly recommend):

(read the whole paragraph, you, not just the highlighted bit)

Many people's reaction to over-analysis of film or television is "God, you're wanking on a bit. Can't you just enjoy it? Well, yes. Though this stuff mostly comes out in things like Lord of the Rings, which I have seen in its 11-hour-extended-edition-entirety upwards of 30 times. It's a trilogy I love. I love it so much, in fact, that I've become slightly numb to the obvious moments of greatness. And it's that numbness that allows you to notice smaller things that are going on. Which is what we come to today.

Part 1: Wormtongue

Azula: I can see your whole history in your eyes. You were born with nothing, so you've had to struggle, connive, and claw your way to power. But true power, the divine right to rule, is something you're born with. The fact is, they don't know which one of us is going to be sitting on that throne, and which one is going to be bowing down. But I know, and you know. (sits on the throne)Well?

Long Feng:....(kneels before Azula) You've beaten me at my own game.

Azula: Don't flatter yourself. You were never even a player.

— Avatar: The Last Airbender

(I know, I know, different universe, but it illustrates what I'm talking about so well!)

(also, let's be clear, I'm discussing the film version, as portrayed by Brad Dourif)

So there's this kid, right? He's shorter than all the other kids. He can't run as fast. He's no good on a horse. He is a terrible sword-fighter. In fact, he's terrible at pretty much anything physical. But he's always thinking. He quickly realises that this can be something important and useful, so he develops his mind. He studies medicine, political intrigue, relationships between those in power. He organises things, and through this, becomes quite valuable. He trades favours and offers advice, gaining position through flattery, bribes, blackmail, threats, and in some cases, poison (which his medical studies made him an expert in). Eventually, though, he finds that in this kingdom, you can only go so far without might or skill with a sword. So he looks elsewhere, makes a powerful and dangerous allegiance, weakens the king, and takes his place as the Bismarck to the King's Wilhelm. He essentially infects the entire court with Munchausen-by-proxy: You need me here, to help the King. Once this is established, he is King in all but name, despite only being the conduit for another power.

This is how we meet Wormtongue. He is "advisor" to king Theoden, while being used by Saruman to control Rohan. He keeps the King weak and confused (implied to be through "witchcraft", but possibly through drugs as well) and whispers his & Saruman's wonts into the King's ear. He is still a weak figure, but he is able to command power, changing rules, and banishing those who oppose him. In return, he is promised more power, and especially the "hand" (....yeah) of Eowyn, the King's niece.

Of course, in ride Gandalf and our heroes, and we all know what happens: they awaken the King, who literally throws Grima from the hall. Grima would have been slaughtered, had not Aragorn stepped in.

Grima runs to Saruman, looking for a new place to set up shop. He brings information with him, still his only currency, and trades it to Saruman for shelter. He explains who cast him out (right down to what jewelry they were wearing) as well as the weaknesses of the Helm's Deep fortress wall. At this point, Grima has given up all the information he has, selling out his court, his King, and his people, out of desperation, and of slim hope of his expected reward (regime change, get the girl, all those people I hate go away).

Saruman takes this information and reveals some of his plan: he has gunpowder, all the better to exploit the weakness in the fortress. Oh, and he also has 10,000 magically-frenzied Uruk Hai outside the window, fully armoured and ready to attack. Grima's information was mildly useful, but not essential. He has played his entire hand and lost.

Here's where it gets interesting and I had my little revalation. What I noticed is in the visual composition of the scenes between him and Saruman. Initially, Grima is seated on a throne-like chair, nursing his wounds while Saruman paces. Grima's position implies power, almost as if he is recovering his strength. Once the gunpowder is revealed, Saruman takes centre stage, with Grima crouched behind him, both literally and figuratively in his shadow. Specifically, Grima is holding a candlestick in his right hand. The candlestick is about 40 cm long and has a tiny stub of white candle on top, which is lit. This candlestick is a miniature version of Saruman's wizard staff (a tall black rod, topped by a white ball). This again demonstrates the power difference between them at a glance. Saruman even, in a comical moment, holds Grima back to stop his candle from coming too close to the gunpowder. Apart from the obvious ("Don't blow us up, idiot"), this is Saruman asserting dominance ("What little power you hold, I can control at will"). They cross to the window, and we (and Grima) see the army. The air from their roars snuffs out his candle. For a moment, He and Saruman stand side-by-side, Saruman with his staff in his right hand, Grima with his (now useless) candlestick. The visual comparison is clear. Grima was never more than a pretender, a wannabe Big Bad.

Grima, up until this point, has been a power-player. He has played both sides off the middle for so long that it is second nature to him. He gives the information to Saruman, thinking that while it might allow Saruman an advantage, the Big S was biting off a bit more than he can chew by attacking Helm's Deep. Then he sees the army.

Then he realises that Saruman does not want a regime change. He does not want to win a battle. He wants genocide. He wants all men gone. Grima might have been trying to push other people out of the boat, but he wasn't drilling holes in the bottom. He realises that he's been played, that he had no real power, and that there is now absolutely nothing he can do about it.

So he holds very still, and weeps.

Meeting Cool People and Losing Street Cred

So you know how people can meet famous people and be cool about it and say things like "They were cool, you know, no big thing."?

I am not one of those people. I know this because i just met Ben Templesmith (@Templesmith on Twitter).

I was heading off to my lunch, looking forward to 30 minutes of wandering in circles with my headphones on, when Erin stops me.

"Hey, you know Ben Templesmith is signing stuff at King's Comics today, right?"

*beat*

"Nnnnnnnnooooo..."

"Oh, I assumed you would, you being a huge fan of Wormwood (Wormwood: Gentleman Corpse which I got Erin into last month), you'd know."

"I did not. I shall go now."

"Well, hurry. He's only there for another 30 minutes."

She was shortly talking to a Lucas-shaped cloud of dust. I knew it's usually about 18 minutes to get to King's. I took off so fast that I didn't realise my headphones were playing no music until I was halfway to King's.

I sent off a Tweet on the way:

On the way I passed some protesters or picketers or something. I dutifully took a photo of them and made it into a tiny planet, but did not slow down.

Made it to Kings, and saw him there at the table.

I don't go straight up to him, of course. No, instead I imitate the action of the young man attempting to ask out a girl/rob a bank, I made a full pass around the store, then bought the TPB of Fell (as well as the new Fables for Tanja), chatted with the clerk about how I'd "better buy this before he signs it, ha ha." Then I walked over. The person before me was talking, so I took a moment to leaf through the sketches and art he had for sale. I was fixing to buy one until it occurred to me that the "1600" written on the baggie might not be an in-a-hurry-way to write "$16.00" but might in fact be "$1600.00" and I was afraid to ask. I decided I would go with some colour prints that were clearly labelled "$20". Then it was my turn. I proffered my Fell book, and asked for a print. When he asked for my name, I told him it was Lucas. He brightened: "You're the guy from Twitter! You have purpose!" I would have like to have reacted well. However, being me, I freaked the fuck out. The rest of the time was spent chatting with the lovely lady next to him whose name I did not know (girlfriend? Iunno.) as she noticed I was Canadian and she was from Alaska. Ben pointed out that technically Canadians are Americans, as they are from the continent of North America. I jumped in saying he was technically correct, "the best kind of correct!". Then I left, feeling that I had overplayed my hand a little. I only realised when I was halfway back to work that I had not given him the $20 for the print. So Mr. Templesmith. Ben. I apologise for geeking out all over you. And I will mail you a shiny Australian $20 bill for the print. Sorry I couldn't be cool. You're just too awesome.

Artoo's Premium Beer

Day 22, in which I tried a 3DS and decided that I loved it and that I didn't just want to buy a DSi XL second-hand from eBay.

That one's a TeeFury.

So I started watching The Last Airbender yesterday. Started is the operative word. I have not finished it. I'm not sure I intend to. It's terrible. The acting is hammy, Zuko's scar make-up looks a) too small and B) fake, the casting is way off (not the racial thing that caused waves when it came out, just that these don;t look like anything but modern kids), and the exposition just grinds out.

I think what bothered me most was the seriousness. Every line was delivered like a sentence of death. Now, while Avatar: The Last Airbender (the series) had big sweeping stories and epic battles and prophecy and such, the kids involved were just kids, and acted as such. More on that later.

So after literally 9 minutes (yes, literally, I just checked the timestamp), I turned it off and put on my Avatar: The Last Airbender episodes.

And was immediately struck by how silly and childish the first episode was.

I thought maybe it was just in comparison, but no. There's Aang sliding on a penguin, there's him with his tongue stuck to his staff, there's Sokka getting sneezes on by a Sky Bison (and reacting as any 16-year-old would). In any case, it's different in the later seasons, but a thread of humour still follows.

It was only when I was making dinner that I realised what it was: we need to see these characters happy in order to understand their pain later. It's the same reason we spend 45 minutes with Hobbits in the Shire before we take off to adventure: we need to know what's at stake. The journey Aang takes to become a fully-realised Avatar involves growing up, putting away childish and selfish inpulses and desires and accepting that in war there is real damage, and there are casualties, on both sides.

I'll forgive a few episodes of silly for that.

But the movie still sucks.

Today.

(Not every post needs a t-shirt picture)

Today I had a day off. I sat around, drank coffee, went shopping at Marrickville to buy stuff to make curried Barramundi with coconut rice, watch a Lost Room episode and most of Tremors 4.

Oh, and I built a lightbox from instructions I found here.

It's a small one, more a proof of concept than anything I could use full-on (hence the off-white shirt, and the fact I used an old hard drive box, my yellow flourescent desk lamp and some printer paper), but it works, and I like it.

To test it, I grabbed whatever the hell I had lying around, which turned out to be various little Transformers (movie Jazz and Ransack), a Mr. Burns (with Booboo), and a pencil sharpener in the shape of a tank with a bent cannon due to Ted swinging it about when he would talk to me at work.

So next week after payday I'll look for some alternate lights and get cracking on a bigger lightbox.

So what did YOU do today?

Mic Wars: Jedi Vs Sith

Day 19. There was no day 18 update due to a lack of t-shirt. I had to wear a collared shirt for an info session with a potential employer, but since I wore it with jeans, people kept referring to me as a cowboy. Nnrgh. Mic Wars, from TeeFury! Kind of hard to read it all. What I love about this shirt is all the detail. Even the medallion on the AT-AT says "Tougher than Blasters" which is a take on Run D.M.C.'s "Tougher Than Leather". More of a view.

It was a nice day today. So I tried to write a note to my boss. Didn't work so well. But it was totally worth a shot.

Also I have more interviews next week. Plot thickens, and that.

Pac-Man Kill Screen

Day 13. Unlucky for some.

This is my Pac-Man kill screen shirt (bought from Jinx, it's officially a Jace Hall Show shirt). You should all see King of Kong. Someone asked me if my shirt had a virus. I explained in too much detail. I do that.

All that stuff from the doc and the physio did not help. Still got headache last night. No fun. Also, bruised from the physio. I've taken headache tablets, some valerian root, and my migraine wafer (don't worry, I checked with the chemist, they're non-reactive). Hopefully I'll sleep through the night, as I have an interview tomorrow, and a team outing following that.

It's a (Ghost) Trap!

Day 10, thus beginning the first day of my last week in this job.

A TeeFury, bought ages ago in a joint order with Craig, but I didn't pick it up until yesterday.

This shirt caused a perfect moment. It was noticed by one of my team members, who said words to the effect of "Hey, cool. Admiral Ackbar from Star Wars. But what's he holding?"

I held my breath, then just as the realisation started to dawn, I blurted out:

"IT'S A TRAP!"

Oh how happy I was.

Serenity Saké

Day 9, in which I am a little worn out from practice and the beer that came with it.

...Not that that would stop me. I pledged, damnit!

Today's shirt is yet another Teefury (sensing a pattern?) by Ian Leino (sensing a pattern?). I saw this and not only bought it, but that day dug out my Firefly episodes and watched them again. And to think? I saw Serenity for the first time, having not seen the series, and hated it. HATED it.

I found that it dumped us too quickly into the world, that I couldn't follow the language (was actively bothered by it, in fact) and that all in all, the film wasn't worth finishing. I blame Ted for forcing the series upon me (and a good thing he did). After a few false starts (sensing a pattern?), I watched it all the way through and fell hard for Firefly (I nearly wrote "fell hard for Nathan Fillion... and his crew"). I convinced Tanja to sit through it (sensing a pattern?), and then watched Serenity again.

And hated it, but for different reasons.

I also loved it, let's get that straight. Basically, now that I loved the crew and the story that I'd gone through with them, I found the re-integration of tension that had long-since been worked out in the series was suddenly back, so we could have some tension in the early going. Simon and Mal are at odds again, Kaylee and Simon are back to will-they-or-won't-they, River's still bugnuts insane without any of her clarity from the later series... I understand why they did it, it just felt fake, like it hadn't been earned. The later story, making the Reavers into a front-line threat instead of a (sorry) phantom menace, Miranda, and River's awakening, all that won me over big-time.

So yeah. That was a thing that happened.

Here's hoping Nathan Fillion (who has one of these shirts, bless 'im) gets to buy the rights and make more Firefly. Also, the comics by Dark Horse are pretty awesome.

Secret Garbage

So i tried to read Secret Wars, Marvel's big crossover from 1984. You can read about it here.

It's awful. Like really really bad.

You can sort of expect it when the explanation for doing this crossover was:

"Kenner had licensed the DC Heroes. Mattel had He-Man, but wanted to hedge in case superheroes became the next big fad. They were interested in Marvel's characters, but only if we staged a publishing event that would get a lot of attention, and they could build a theme around. Fans, especially young fans often suggested to me 'one big story with all the heroes and all the villains in it', so I proposed that. It flew. Mattel thought that kids responded well to the word, "secret" so after a couple of working names bit the dust, we called the story 'Marvel Super Heroes Secret Wars'."

...right.

Here are a few choice bits that caught my attention (I've purposefully skipped all of the self-introductions EVERY character does in EVERY panel, or I'd be here all damned night):

• "Oh, wow! That was, like tubular! You know -- to the max!" -She Hulk in a fight.
  Really? REALLY? Tubular?
• "Torch, when you can bend this ultra-hard alien metal like paper with your bare hands, THEN you can give me orders! Until then, I'll listen to our designated leader: Captain America -- and no one else!"
  And this is while fighting. Good thing talking is a free action.
• "It's no wonder that the name Mister Fantastic is renowned for compassion as well as courage! You give added meaning to the word hero, Richards!"
  And you're a snappy dresser too. Ha-HA! Isn't it nice how they talk like people talk?
  
• "Do you think Cap's handling this right?"
  "Does Dr. J play roundball?"
  ...Wait, whut? Round-what? What-ball? What-what? Is he referring to John Hewson? Former leader of the Liberal Party in Opposition?
• "Well, being absolute master of molecules I can just assimilate molecules when I want, so I never have to be hungry, and I can just shoo away dirt molecules, so I'm always nice and clean -- but I AM tired."
  Why not shoo away the tired molecules. The molecules too molecular? MOLECULES!
• Mister Fantastic: "It's alright, son! Considering the circumstances, why not? When you're done, I'll take my turn! I miss my wife, too terribly!"
  Okay, he's talking about crying and lamenting that you're away from your family, but it just sounds so wrong out of context.
• Iron Man is going around on jet-roller skates. JET ROLLER SKATES. That thud you head is my jet-head hitting the jet-wall.
• "Chubby chance, slow-poke."
  Spider-Man's meant to be quick-witter and clever. And yet.... chubby chance. And two panels later, Spider-Man casually backhands Wolverine across the room. Casually. Actually, Spidey is able to own Wolverine, Colossus, Rogue, Nightcrawler AND Cyclops. On his own. Times have changed, I guess.
• Dr Doom is shown giving two normal humans super-powers with a machine he finds. It's not explained where those two humans came from, or why (considering the Beyonder grabbed a whole bunch of heroes and villains). One of the villains even says "Hey, where'd they come from?" and another replies "Who cares?" and it's left at that. So even the BOOK doesn't care. That explains a lot.
• "Look at that storm, isn't it impressive?"
  "Nah! It's only molecules interacting, you know, and I control molecules!"
  MOLECULES!

I had to stop at that point. That's only three issues. THREE.

Asses, and the kicking of same.

So I downloaded the movie Kick-Ass today. I feel a little bad downloading it illegally, but then again, I couldn't convince Tanja to go see it when it was at the cinemas, and it was gone before I could organise nerds to see it. I had bought the trade of the series and read it months ago, before the film came out.

So my thoughts upon seeing the film? "Man, I can't wait to blog about this."

So yeah.


**warning: Spoilers for the comic and film Kick-ass. Your punk-face be warned.**

I think they missed the point.

I read interviews with Mark Millar (the writer of the comic), who said his aim was to try and present a realistic take on the Superhero origin story. And no, not a Batman Begins "realistic" take. I mean, a 16-year old kid up and decides to be a superhero. Well, a vigilante. Well, a guy in a wetsuit who decides to beat on people for justice, or some such. Problem is, he can barely fight, has no physique, training, or powers to speak of, so he gets beat up. Like a LOT. John Romita Jr's art shows the brutal detail of the amount of damage that a few street thugs can do to a person. So anyway, the line in the comics was that it doesn't take a radioactive spider-bite or a dead parent to make a super-hero. It just takes the right combination of boredom and despair. The film takes this line and declares "It just takes the right kind of optimism and naivety." Uh oh.

So I'm not going to run through the plot, but I'll hit the main things they changed in the film that bugged me. In the increasingly original point-form:

1. Hit-Girl and Big Daddy.

Hit-Girl, they did right. In a nutshell, she's an 11-year old girl who's been trained and conditioned to be the deadliest thing on two legs with any weapon she can get her hands on. No fear, no hesitation, she will literally kill you as soon as look at you, in a number of deadly and interesting ways.

Big Daddy, however, they messed with. In the comics, he was first explained to be an ex-cop, who was framed by crooked cops in the employ of the mob kingpin and sent to prison. His pregnant wife committed suicide, but they saved the baby. 5 years later, when he got out, he took custody of her, and turned her, rather lovingly/brutally, into Hit-Girl. He funded their operation with a secret silver suitcase full of something that he sold on a regular basis but kept secret from Hit-Girl.

But it was all a lie.

Comics-Big-Daddy was actually an accountant for a credit-card company who had a wife who hated him, and a job he loathed, so he took his comic book collection and his baby girl and ran away. He wanted her to be special, so he trained her, gave her a mission, and made her into Hit-Girl. The real connection to the mob kingpin? They needed a villain, and he had been on the news. The silver suitcase? About a million bucks in old comics he sold to dealers all over the country.

Now THAT'S a fuckin' origin story.

So the film. They took all of the above, EXCEPT the fact that it was all a lie. Film-Big-Daddy WAS an ex-cop. So instead of deconstructing the what-makes-a-hero idea, they played it as absolutely straight. Sigh. And they gave the role to Nicolas Cage. Sigh. And they designed his costume (which in the comics is a kevlar vest, a trench coat, and a dark red mask which covers his whole face except for eyes and hair) to look like Batman without the ears. Sigh.

2. Red Mist
In the comics, Red Mist is introduced as a copycat hero to Kick-Ass. In every aspect, he's better: he has a cool car, a better costume (with cape), and seems to have it all together. He and Kick-ass meet up, and team together for a while. even doing some straight-up hero-ing, such as saving what they thought was a child and what turned out to be a cat from a burning building. Kick-ass starts to improve as a hero around Red Mist, and they become friends.

But it was all a lie. Again.

Red Mist was, in reality, the son of the mafia kingpin, who was also a comics nerd. He went to his father (who found him useless), and offered to help by befriending Kick-Ass and bringing him into a trap (the kingpin wanted Kick-Ass, because he had been blamed for a bunch of mob guys, Big Daddy and Hit Girl had killed). Red Mist gleefully reveals to Kick-Ass that he played him for a sucker and never liked him anyway. Their final match-up is no epic battle, as Kick-Ass just clubs him with a bat and leaves, telling him he's pathetic. The reveal of Red Mist as a villain is a big shock, as the mafia-son had only been referred to once in one panel two pages into the book. The fact that he and Red Mist were one and the same was shocking enough that I leafed back to that page and looked again.

So the film. They introduce the son early, but they keep him around. They show him trying to be a big shot like his dad, and wanting to help. He then comes up with "a plan" and tells his dad he can get him, but he'll "need some stuff." Cut to the next scene with the reveal of the Red Mist costume. Snore. He meets up with Kick-Ass and they drive around. The fire? It's a trap Red Mist was taking Kick-Ass to, where his dad's goons were waiting, but Big Daddy got there first and lit the place on fire. So they rush in, but save no one. Snore. Then when the kingpin does capture Kick-Ass, Red Mist pleads with his father to let him go, as he didn't do anything (because they're such tight buds, from that one time you were hoping to get him killed, but it didn't work out). His father ignores him. Leter, when Kick-Ass escapes, Red Mist attacks him, they're evenly matched, though the fight is pathetic and consists of them hitting one another with random martial arts weapons until both fall down. Kick-Ass wakes up first and leaves. Snore. It also doesn't help that they cast the kid who played McLovin in Superbad to play Red Mist. I wouldn't have been able to look at Red Mist and not know "Yep, it's that guy."

3. The romantic plot.
So Dave (that's Kick-Ass to you) has a huge crush on a girl named Katie who doesn't know he exists. After his first Kick-Ass fight, he's left a bloody mess. In the comics, the thugs steal his costume and leave him naked for the paramedics. Shortly after, Katie begins talking to him. He atributes it to his new confidence, but his friends advise him that it's due to a rumour that he was "pimping his ass in the village" and that he was being beaten up by his clients. Katie's mom runs an abused womens' shelter. She Katie is feeling pity, and is thinknig of him as her "gay best friend". He decides to go with it, as a way to get closer to her. It's played as really, really sad. At one point, after a big fight, he stands outside her house and declares that he is Kick-Ass, and no, he's not gay! He then promptly runs. Later, she says that someone stood outside her house yelling he wasn't gay, and was that you, Dave? "Yes," says Dave. "I'm not gay. And I love you." And then he says all this great stuff about how she's the only one for him and he cares bout her so much and loves her and stuff. Her response?

"FUCK YOU! You manipulative little prick! How dare you make a fool out of me!"

And then she tells her large boyfriend to beat the shit out of Dave. Which he does. She then SMSes him a picture of her sucking the boyfriend's cock.

Wow.

Oh, the film version? He reveals that he's Kick-Ass, and that he's not gay. She lets him spend the night, and they have lots and lots of sex. Sigh.

4. The Tone.
I don't have the energy for scene-by-scene comparison at this point. The early, brutal, learning-to-be-a-super-hero-and-getting-beaten-badly stuff is played in a silly, irreverent way. Later, the tone goes ponderous. Instead of Big Daddy's death being a single execution-style shot played in a shocking way, he's lit on fire for ages and ages as Hit-Girl tried to get to him, and he lives long enough to have a whole deathbed conversation. Instead of Hit-Girl getting revenge on many, many of the bad guys before being overwhelmed, and a weakened Kick-Ass saving her with a pistol (shooting a guy in the crotch which gives Hit-Girl the second she needs to escape and finish everyone off), she goes mano-a-mano with the boss, who she for-some-reason can't defeat, and Kick-Ass saves her on a jet-pack. With two miniguns on it. And shoots the boss with a bazooka.

So yeah.

I don't know, I'm rambling, but I mostly feel that the film was just-okay, and mostly a missed opportunity.

EDIT: Ooh! I thought of a way to sum this up! I was trying to explain to Tanja why I was so let down, and it hit me. The book basically says that Dave, as Kick-ass, acts as though the world will follow the story tropes of the hero's journey: it'll recognise his courage, give him the girl, allies who are both noble and effective, and a villain he can defeat. Instead, he is repeatedly smacked in the face that the world does not run on narritivium* but is mostly an unfair and uncaring place. Despite this, he does manage to be a hero, and do some good. The film basically takes the premise and gets none of the message. Dave gets the girl, beats the bad guy, and gets to feel okay and get a happy ending. So yeah.




*copyright Terry Pratchett

O.G.: Origin Gangster.

After watching Iron Man 2 with Tanja and the Nerd Herd, I was watching the Totally Rad Show review of it at the gym. It got me thinking about films and origin stories, specifically when it comes to superheroes and comic book films.

Now, I've heard from people that the second film can be more difficult than the first, due to the terrors of sequelitis, the law of diminishing returns, and viewer fatigue. Other comments have said that sequel films are easier due to the fact that you don't need to spend half the film introducing everyone, but can get right down to telling the story you want.

Where it gets interesting with Superhero stories is simple: everyone knows the end of the origin story. We know Peter Parker will become Spider-Man. We know Bruce Wayne will be Batman. We know Wolverine may take off in a snit, but he'll always come back and be part of the X-Men. Everyone knows this plucky kid/cavaleir inventor/troubled man will become the superhero. If nothing else, we know it because it was on the poster for the film that we walked by to get into the theatre. So how do you build tension?

Well, in the case of the better superhero stories/films, you make the origin not about the destination, but about the journey. This can be difficult, and may require fleshing out due to the fact that most comic book origins are a single issue. That's 16-25 pages, with ads, to go from soup to nuts, introduction to actualisation. In the 40s, 50s, and 60s, it was not hard. Hey look! That's your hero. We know because he's on the cover. He got his powers from a lightning strike and now he can run fast, calls himself The Flash, and fights crime. Boom. Done. That took about two pages. That, however, makes for a terrible film. So the better ones (which is how I started this paragraph) take their time and use the origin to establish character.

Batman? Show the parents' death. Show the training. Show how determined and dangerous he becomes. Spider-man? Show the getting of the powers. Show the fun side. Show it turning dark and the acceptance of responsibility. Iron Man? Show him cavalier. Show his interest turn from the frivolous to the immediate (ie survival). Show him using his genius outside the box and that with constraints comes true discovery (In a CAVE! With a BOX OF SCRAPS!).
This is why, when Marvel asked Brian Michael Bendis to create a new variant of Spider-Man (Ultimate Spider-Man) with no continuity to the 40+ years of history, he took a bold step and instead of telling the origin in the first issue, he used the entire first story arc. All 6 issues of it. And it was heralded as a masterpiece of storytelling. By the end of it, we don't just know Spider-man. We know Peter Parker, the kid who, just maybe, has it in him to be a hero.

I have no idea where I was going with this, but I find all of this fascinating. I love the wayposts of the Hero's Journey. I love looking at stories, be they film, book, comic or TV show slightly off to the side so you can see the strings. It the same reason I love magic. You can watch it and love the spectacle, and you can also appreciate the technique. Plus, once in a while, a magician will do something where you have NO idea how he did it. And that's real magic.

Introspection & Gazing At Navels.

I love my wireless keyboard. Not just because I can operate the computer on the TV, but mostly because when I type quickly on it, it sounds like a typewriter. I have always loved the solid, clunky immensely satisfying *clunk* of typewriter keys. I even briefly flirted with the idea of buying an old one off eBay, just for the cathartic feeling of typing (I was held up by the fact that you can't buy ribbons for them anymore, and anyway, shipping would be a bastard).

 

Today is my first day on prescription pain medication. As anyone who's known me more than 5 minutes knows, I've suffered from headaches pretty much all my life. I hesitate to call them migraines, as what people have described to me as migraines does not fit what I get. More accurately, they're just really bad headaches, usually focussed at the base of my skull in two little knots. I have no doubt that things like stress or adrenaline bring them on, and they are occasionally resistant to medication, and often helped by physio. Lately, and by lately, I mean in the last fortnight, I have been having... different experiences. I'll go to sleep about 11:45 or midnight, then wake up roughly an hour later with a headache. A specific kind of headache, only on the left side of my head. For a moment, it'll feel like a minor thing, like you might have after just one too many beers the night before. But then as soon as you shift in position, it levels up.  If you'll forgive my purple prose for a moment, I'll describe the feeling: imagine a ball of lightning. Not a big ball, perhaps the size of a golf, or ping-pong ball. And it's spinning and roiling on the surface, kind of like the CGI Sparks in the Beast Wars: Transformers TV show. This ball sits just inside my left temple, and throbs. Then, in a motion I can only describe as similar to the lightning attacks in InFamous or Storm from Ultimate Alliance, it will lash out with lightning strikes. These strikes can hit anywhere along my head, but seem to like just behind my eyebrow, the sinus next to my nose, my upper molars, the hollow behind my jaw, and yes, the base of my skull. When they strike, they tend to march along a path, like an ellipses (you know, one of these --> ... ... ...) and then conduct off the bones in my face, before retreating again. The severity of these strikes can range from electric-shock-uncomfortable to body-wracking-painful. The first time it happened, it hurt so much I could barely speak. I have never hurt that much that I can remember. I tried to get up, but couldn't. I had to wait until the strikes died down, then lurched out of bed, staggering, really, up to the kitchen looking for some panadol. I also heated up a wheat-bag heat pack, and laid it on my face until the medication kicked in, and I could relax enough to go to sleep. The next morning, no pain. However the next night? Repeat scenario. This basically was three nights of last week. Only once did it carry over to the day after. Night before last, it happened again, just as severe as the first time. But it stayed. I had the same feeling all morning. I took more panadol (panadiene now, with codeine) but or once, the edge did not come off. No. Instead it got worse. And I was at work. Blurred vision, loss of balance... I at one pointed wished I could do something as dramatic as collapse so people could see how much I was hurting. Finally, after a "go to the doctor, you bloody fool" email from my loving wife, I did. Dr. Lentham, who I'd gone to before for my other headaches, looked on my file, and tried to offer my Cafergot. "You gave me that last time," said I. "The caffeine nearly did my head in." (see earlier post for caffiene related wackiness). So after hearing how bad it was, he prescribed Durotram XR (or tramadol hydrochloride to those playing at home) along with a huge pack of dissolveable aspirin. Instructions? Take one Durotram before bed. It will slowly dissolve over 24 hours, and take 3 aspirin when I get a headache, and 2 more if it doesn't help after 3 hours. I took the Durotram last night. I woke up at 1:00am with another lightning blast. Got up, took the aspirin, went back to bed. Did I mention that my brain tends to process the pain visually? Blame years of video games and TV. When it hits, I usually involuntarily picture marching lightning bolts raining destruction. Last night? It was raining fire. Odd, surreal, cartoon fire. I eventually got up and slept on the couch to spare Tanja my tossing and turning. This morning, I was wide-awake at 7:15 with the oddest feeling. I'm still in pain, but I feel like my head is numb. As I described on Twitter, it's like I'm standing between two white sheets on two clotheslines, looking West, while behind the East sheet is a huge grey silhouette (that would be the pain). There's a breeze blowing, and the sheets move and someties I get a glimpse of the grey in the corner of my eye (followed by a brief, but solid pain that, were it in a comic book, with have the sound effect "SPANG" like the glint of sunlight off a blade), but then it will fade back. And, if you'll keep to the metaphor for a moment, I don't want to turn, or move too quickly, because the sheets are barely any refuge. I feel fragile, like a spiderweb.

 

Also, if I may dirgress for a moment, I'm finding myself focusing on things too intently. Anyone who's known me for the afore-mentioned 5 minutes also knows that I doodle. A lot. Almost compulsively. It's a habit I picked up in high school, carried on to university, and worked into my various careers, be they retail, on-phone, or managerial. When I was on the phones, I could go through a pen in 5 days. As a symptom, I've also gained the habit of buying pens (usually gel pens of varying brands, I prefer 0.7mm points or above, rollerball better than brush) from newsagents. I have a huge pencil-case at work (which at one point 6 months ago, was raided and many of my pens stolen, which displeased me to no end). I usually have a few in my backpack, in case the mood strikes me. This morning, as I was watching The Digg Reel & iFanboy, trying to relax, I had grabbed the desk calender from the computer room and was using my Pilot Vpen (you know, the ones with the fountain pen nib?) to doodle. My usual subjects are stars, which I've taight myself to draw freehand, without interior lines, specifically what some people refer to as "<punk stars", but compounded with many layers, and random words being said around me or thought by me in block letters, usually serif, done in alternating outline and filled styles, though occasionally I'll like the look of certain letter) were being used, but I realised something: I was bringing my face closer and closer as I drew, the edges becoming sketchier and sketchier, like something out of a Spawn comic (ironically one of the discussion points on iFanboy). After a while I was not paying attention to the show, just watching myself draw. I had to shake my head to break my concentration. Is this part of the medication? I don't know.

 

And I still find it ironic that a potentially side effect listed for headache medication is "headache".

Wierdness=creativity

I feel weird. I blame the weird-feeling on my screwing-up of my normal routine. I woke up, had cereal, went to the gym, then came back, had juice and two cups of coffee (I usually have juice and coffee with my cereal, THEN go to the gym). So now I'm shaky, my head is pounding and I'm dizzy. I was taking a shower, trying to clear my head, but all I could think about were random geeky and obscure references I could put on t-shirts. The first one?

 

[Silhouette of man's head with long curly hair] = [silhouette of shapely female form]

(taking off on the line from the Wog Boy about "having the curls to get the girls.")

 

Then I started thinking about Roadhouse and the ideas exploded:

 

·         [Silhouette of a man in blue with his right foot illuminated in red, possibly with a cutaway showing the razor in the toe of his boot]. On the back: RIGHT BOOT.

·         PAIN  ≠ HURT

·         Two separate Euler circles, not intersecting, one marked "MY WAY" the other marked "HIGHWAY".

and finally

·         "TOO STUPID TO HAVE A GOOD TIME"

 

If and when I make these, I'll have to send a bunch to the Rifftrax crew.

 

Tanja has just brought me a turkey, red kraut & cranberry sandwich, so I must eat. Hopefully I'll feel better.

---

Windows Live: Keep your friends up to date with what you do online.

App-licable.

A friend just got an iPhone, and I offered to recommend some aps to him. These are my go-to apps. I do experiment now and again, but these are what I come back to:

App Name	App Type	App SubType	Comments
iExpenseIt	Finance	Expense tracker	I use this for tracking the money I spend on shirts and cocktails and stuff (where I need to know it balances out). Also useful when you think "It's the end of the week. Where's all my money?"
Worms	Game	Action	Just like the Game Boy, DS, or whatever version with all weapons and levels.
Space Deadbeef	Game	Arcade-Style Shooter	Side-scrolling shooter. Fun times.
Spore	Game	RPG	A mini-version of the real thing.
Flight Control	Game	Skill-based	A very popular Air Traffic Control game. Far more fun than it sounds.
Dactyl	Game	Skill-based	Very quick I-need-to-kill-5-minutes game. Defuse the bombs in time!
TapDefense	Game	Tower Defence	A good (free) beginner Tower Defence game, just enough to get you hooked.
FieldRunners	Game	Tower Defence	The next step, with place-anywhere towers and path-building.
GeoDefense	Game	Tower Defence	The big daddy. Tower Defence with Geometry-Wars-style effects and a crazy difficulty level
Star Defense	Game	Tower Defence	Tower Defence in 3d on a globe. A good game for when you're sick of Geodefence kicking your ass.
KarmaStar	Game	Turn-based Strategy	Cute, quirky stat-based Strategy game involving dice-rolls & attacks.
I Can Haz Cheezburger	Humour	Picture Feed	For all your daily LOLs.
Urbanspoon	Lifestyle	Restaurant Finder	Great for picking where to eat. You can also use the randomise feature to come up with something out of nowhere.
Stanza	Reader	Book Ereader	Reads PDF e-books (for free). Also can have new (pirated) ebooks uploaded from a desktop app.
iVerse	Reader	Comic eReader	Actually a series of apps, each one representing an issue of a comic. Some free, some not.
Ebay	WebApp	eBay	Just what it says on the tin.
Facebook	WebApp	Facebook	Just what it says on the tin.
Twitteriffic	WebApp	Twitter	My go-to Twitter app, until the 3.0 Software update made it go screwy on the iPod touch. Easy to use, plus easy re-tweeting and marking for later.
Twitterfon	WebApp	Twitter	Twitter app, part two. Visually similar to Twitteriffic, but actually works on the touch. Also has auto-twitpic, auto-friend-name-add, and other nifty features.
TweetDeck	WebApp	Twitter	Organises tweets into columns. Some like it, but it's not my favourite.