There's Noel in Christmas.

Is it me, or is the song "The First Noel" an example of bad song-writing disguised as old-timey language?

A few examples:

[-]"The first "Nowell" the angels did say
Was to certain poor shepherds in fields as they lay;
In fields where they lay keeping their sheep,
On a cold winter's night that was so deep."

Firstly, Why repeat the 2nd line by slightly mangling it into the 3rd? You've just started, and you're making callbacks already? Okay, so it was to certain poor shepherds in fields where they lay. Okay, that I get. They lay in fields. I'll accept that, even though you're changing around the natural grammatical placement of the words to get a rhyme with "the Angel did say". But then to follow in immediately with "In fields where they," in the next line is redundant. You just said that. Even as a little kid I thought it was a typo. Or maybe that was an important thing to get across in the 16th century. Maybe it was a conversation point.
"Hey, you know shepherds?"
"Of course I do."
"They lay in fields."
"No kiddin'?"
"Yep. In fields they lay."
"Imagine that. Wacky guys those shepherds."

Also, When was the last time you looked out at a cold night in Winter and said that it was "So deep"? The SNOW may be deep, the thing the person next to you may be "so deep, man." But the night? Really? Again, it's a cheap rhyme with “sheep”. But is sheep so hard to rhyme?

[-]"They lookèd up and saw a star
Shining in the east, beyond them far;"

Okay, so the shepherds, in these fields, in this really incredibly deep night, they see a star. Apparently, this night-time miracle is shining in the East, “beyond them far.” Do you mean “far beyond them?” Nope. Beyond them far. It seems either Yoda (“Hrrrm, Myrrh, I have brought you.”) or Billy Joel (who's still ordering “tonic-and-gins” whenever he's in a bar) is writing this.

[-]And then the chorus. Everyone knows it. It goes “Noel” a bunch of times, then tells us in Yoda-speak that “born, is the King of Israel”. And then something about how "Hard to see, the Dark Side is". It occurred to me as rather handy that Jesus is to be King of a place that so nicely rhymes with the word for the night of his birth. Had he been King of Saskatchewan, would we be singing about the first Hakeem-Elajuwan? Or the first Nahasapeemapetilan?

Oh, and an added bonus? When researching this post, I saw that there are three old verses often omitted from modern renditions:

“Between an ox-stall and an ass
This Child there truly bornèd was;
For want of clothing they did him lay
All in the manger, among the hay.”

I know why this was left out. Some of us kids had a hard enough time keeping from laughing when a minister uses a word like ”Hosannah” (Oh, Hosannah, oh don't you cry for me, 'cause I'm come from East of Canaan with a banjo on my knee). Hearing about a naked kid next to an ass would have had us rolling in the aisles.

“Then did they know assuredly
Within that house the King did lie;
One entered in then for to see,
And found the Babe in poverty.”

Leaving out the unnecessary “assuredly” (which is now verging on Calvin-and-Hobbes G.R.O.S.S. Motto rhyming), that last line? Finding a babe in poverty? I've seen films that start that way. And not the kind of films that win Oscars: “C'mon, baby. You wanna be a star?” Come to think of it, I've heard jokes that start that way. “You can spend the night, but don't touch my daughter.” Cue banjo-chase music and farmers with pitchforks.

'If we in our time shall do well
We shall be free from death and hell,
For God hath prepared for us all
A resting-place in general.”

A resting place... in general? In general.
“God, we've been good, we're here, where should we stay?”
“Oh, someplace in general. You know, over there.”
“Anywhere specific?”
“No, just somewhere.”

I think if I'd led a good life, abstaining from drinking, dancing, various sins of various fleshes, God would have a room picked out for me. You know, corner suite, not too near the ice machine, good view of the clouds. I was unaware Heaven would have worse seating plans than the Big Day Out festival.

Anyway, clearly I've put too much thought into this. Well, this is what happens when you make me wait for a desk to be delivered all day, and I work in the garden to kill time. Be told.

Mongeese, Cocktails, and Missing Wonga.

For the first time ever, I’ve gotten a bike for Christmas*. Dad bought Tanja and I Mongoose Rockadile bikes. We’ve yet to try them out, but they look pretty fancy. They have (depending on which website you go to) 21, 24, or 30 gears (it says s-30 on the gear shift itself, so I think I’ll believe that). Considering I found my 18-speed over-geared when I was 15, I think that’s a lot.

My bike:



Tanja’s bike:



And we went out for cocktails at the Rose and I somehow misplaced $20. I had $180, then Dad gave me $60 for some shirts, making $240. I then bought myself two cocktails (totalling $20), Tanja’s and my dinners (and a beer for Tanja, totalling $30), and another beer for Tanja later ($5). I now have $175 in my wallet. WTF? I know I had a third cocktail, but Cecil was kind enough to buy me that. I hate when this happens.

*I’ve gotten a bike for a birthday once, but never for Christmas.

Acquisitions

So it's been a spendy-grabby-acquisitiony few weeks. I went and bought a record player from Dick Smith that would be compatible with our stereo system, despite the dickhead who works there trying to talk me out of it ("You know how fast these wear out, man? And the sound quality of vinyl just sucks." Dude, I have money in my hand and know exactly what I want. Shut your damn mouth.) So now I can play the Shadows, Johnny Cash, Elvis Presley, John Denver, Neil Diamond, and John Lennon records I found by the side of the road/got from Tanja's father. Also, I made my first foray into Egg records. Appalled at the prices of some things (70 dollars for the Clash's London Calling! And it's not even an original. It's a RE-RELEASE! Get over yourselves!), I ducked into the bargain racks at the back of the store. $4.95 for 1, $15 for 5, $25 for 10. I found some good ones:
Scott Joplin - The Sting: OMPST (Nice ragtime tunes. And "Solace" is one of the loneliest songs I've ever heard)
Bruce Springsteen - Born To Run (I was inspired by it's use in the Battle Royale novel)
Sigue Sigue Sputnik - Flaunt It (It's not just a High Fidelity joke anymore)
The Guess Who - Live At The Paramount (with a 15 minute improv on American Woman)
Steve Miller Band - Abracadabra (I know, i know, but I like the band, and I couldn't find one with The Joker or Jet Airliner on it)
(And these last five are for Tanja, purchased to make her not yell at me for wasting my money):
U2 - War
Kim Wilde - Kim Wilde
Kim Wilde - Select
Abba - Arrival (bwa ha ha)
Midnight Oil - Diesel and Dust

Also, speaking of music acquisitions, David at work has decided to reciprocate my burning him 2 or 3 CDs every week ever since I've known him by lending me a bunch of albums which are now residing in my iPod:
Sublime - 40 oz To Freedom
Red Hot Chili Peppers - By The Way
Black Rebel Motorcycle Club - Howl (Really good)
Fiona Apple - Extraordinary Machine
Eskimo Joe - A Song Is A City
Faith No More - Angel Dust
The White Stripes - Get Thee Behind Me Satan
Goldfrapp - Supernature
Grosse Pointe Blank - Soundtrack
Nirvana - Nirvana (the black one)
Morphine - Cure for Pain

Of course, all this was the day I bought myself the following CDs form the $10 CD shop:
Beck - Mellow Gold
Eel - Souljacker (Really, really, ridiculously good. like Beck. But easier to digest)
The Ramones - The Ramones (the re-release with bonus tracks of the first album. I got into a 2-hour argument with Victoria from work because she saw me CD, and started the conversation with "Oh, I don't like the Ramones. They suck." and my lashing back that without the Ramones, there wouldn't BE a punk scene. Dagnabbit. I made myself a Ramones T-shirt, just to wear to work and spite her. Heh)

Oh, and Mom's parcel (that she sent in OCTOBER [doh]) finally arrived with my three Mystery Science Theatre 3000 boxed sets. Happy happy joy joy! I even submitted a few of them to Tanja and she laughed! Hooray! I won't have to watch them alone.

The last few days, though, I’ve been oddly sick. Not cold-sick. No runny nose or anything like that. It sort of happened after I walked in the rain 3 times and ate lukewarm soggy pizza at 2 pm. Then at 5:30 that day I felt unbearable lethargy, soreness like I’d been beaten, lightheadedness, dizzy spells, and a massive headache. I begged off work early. Between work, the train platform, and home, I developed a fever and chills. Tanja helped me once I got home, but the night was filled with half-waking odd dreams of nonsense words drowning me like quicksand (shut up, I’m trying to explain here) sore muscles, and only about three hours of actual sleep. I got up at 4:30 am, and read in the living room, then passed out on the couch for an hour. That morning, my fever and chills were gone, but the headache, dizziness and muscle pain remained. I went to the doctor and got a sick certificate for that day as well, and was feeling nearly normal when I went to bed at 11:30. Cue awakening at 2:47 am. I was so dehydrated. Not just normal dehydrated. This was can’t-swallow-skin-raspy-eyes-hurting-bleeding-from-nasal-capillaries-dehydrated. After sculling a glass of Tanja-recommended Gastrolyte electrolyte drink (though sculling is a misnomer: it tasted horrid, so I read a magazine and drank it over 40 minutes), I was able to sleep until 8. I awoke dehydrated again. Bought two bottles of Gatorade from the IGA and sculled them too. I’m feeling slightly more human now. My nose is no longer bleeding. And there was much rejoicing.

Anyway, I was able to buy said Gatorade for this reason: yesterday, emboldened by my scavenger/bargain hunter spirit, Tanja spotted what she called a tall-boy chest of drawers left out by the curb. We lugged it back home, her blushing furiously, and me crowing in triumph. After some finagling, we got it into the bedroom. In the aftermath, this conversation occurred: (paraphrased)
Tanja: “Hey, Lucas, you know that brown leather 3-seater couch we saw at the store on King Street? How much was that?”
Me: “I think it was around $1000.”
Tanja: “Oh. I’ve been looking in the Ikea and Freedom catalogues, and they don’t have one for less that $1500. I think maybe tomorrow on your day off, you should swing by and get it.”
Me: “Okaaaay.”

So that’s why I was out. It won’t actually arrive until Saturday or so next week (they’re waiting on the next shipment), but we have a new couch! No more futon-thingy. I’ve even convinced Tanja to put the futon out on the balcony (a covered balcony, mind you) for our smoking guests. So I was out ordering the couch, and sculling Gatorade, and I wandered back into the record store. The bargain bins called to me, and I made the following purchases:
David Bowie - Changes One (Surprisingly fantastic. Then again, maybe not so surprising)
Led Zeppelin - Led Zeppelin (!!!!)
Led Zeppelin - Houses of the Holy (Also !!!!)
BB King - Best of, 1974 (Some of it recorded live at Cook County Jail)
The Kinks - One Golden Hour (Another Greatest Hits, but I enjoy their early stuff)

So now I’m playing Command & Conquer, reorganizing my closet, listening to records, and hoping I’m not still sick tomorrow.

And that’s all I have to say aboot that.

Alright. Let's wang this chung.

Ok, Pre-Christmas work-thingie. Got through it with lots of black V (taste the evil), and headed out to the mountains. Slept for a few hours. Woke up, endured annoying brother-in-law. Opened presents. Got lovely things. Loathed brother-in-law. Went to sleep. Woke up feeling wretched, nausious (however you spell that) and headachey, and had to sleep it off. Was given records and record player from Tanja's Dad. Huzzah! This should allow me to listen to the records I found by the side of the road. Except the player is too old to interface with our system. Damnit. Well, this is just an impetus to buy a new one. Go JB Hi Fi! Post Christmas Spending: New shirts, new brown hat, new jeans, Beck CD, Eels CD (fanTAStic), and Ramones CD. Sweeeet.

Now back to regular life. Although I got to personalise a Futurama quote yesterday. Jason wanted new music for the store, and he goes "We need new music for the store. Do you have anything David Gray-ish?" "No. Not really. Oh, but we do have David Gray."

Heh. I also put on Oasis, Welcome Back 1966-69, and the new tribute to Rubber Soul. It's good to be in control.

And Ted, Catherine, and Craig came over for New Years Eve and we watched John Safran and I got rather drunk. We also learned that TISM has the coolest dance ever. You sit in a chair, thump the microphone against your chest and wobble your head around. Stylin'. And Craig brought me Zero Hour expansion pack for Command & Conquer: Generals. Great. Now I'll never leave my house.

Oh. And I got my watch fixed. That's the real news of the post. Well, when I say me, I mean Tanja, but to be fair, it had sat in her purse for like 2 weeks before we brought it in.

"Isn't it true that you have been paid for this testimony?"
"Yes. You gave me a dollar and some candy."
"And yet you still won't say what I told you to say. How can any of us trust you?"

Oy.

I've just been hit with a wave of despondency. Here I am, checking my email on a Monday morning. I should reply to my sister, but i don't feel like it. My movie group people are attempting to organise certain nights, one to see the Constant Gardener (which I have no interest in seeing, as seemingly no one knows what it's actually about), and one to see a play (which costs $55 a ticket, which I can't and won't afford, but the rest of them can, have GOOD jobs and being older and richer than me). I wanted to see Kiss Kiss Bang Bang, but they planned it for a Friday when a) I had just gone with them on the Sunday to see Me, You, And Everyone We Know and had spent my movie money for the week, and b) on one of the few nights off I get to be with Tanja lately. I've also got a farewell at work this Friday that I don't really want to go to, a Christmas party on the 6th (at a fucking Bowls club, no less) which will be starting at 4pm, but which I and the other poor saps scheduled to work that night, won’t be able to get to until 11:30, by which time all the food will gone, and the people will have been weeded down to the few pissheads who are left at the end of every party. All this is not being helped by the fact that I’m reading John Birmingham’s “He Died With a Felafel In His Hand”, and I’m past the early funny parts, haven’t reached the funny ending, and am bogged down in the depressing middle, which is all about living with junkies and freaks and ferals. Fun times. Only not. I have stencils to cut for the vinyl art I want to make, but I can’t bring myself to start. I rented some movies: Unforgiven (which I told Bruce the Movie teacher that I’d watch and tell him what I thought), Biodome (which Tanja declared that she’d outgrown her like of after watching it last night. Duh :P), Life Aquatic (which was SO odd and not that interesting), Confessions of a Dangerous Mind (which looks like one of those films that require work and so I don’t have the energy for), and The Ladykillers (ditto). Ugh. And it’s raining. And I’m going to be at work until 11 again tonight wandering my section, surveying all the damage done by marauding teenagers, having no room to put out new stuff, and realizing that a cleanup would take the entire night, and if I did so and didn’t finish, I’d get the talk of “why are you starting tasks you can’t finish, Lucas?” from the boss. Also, there’s yet another drama with Tanja’s sister and her fucking knob of a boyfriend. I’m honestly at the point where my first response upon hearing there was a problem was “fuck ‘em.” because I didn’t have the energy to mediate and keep the peace like I always do. Not to mention that the only way I get Christmas Eve off (when Tanja’s folks have their festivities) is if I work a 10:30 to 6 am on the 23rd. You see, Borders has decided that we’re going to be open from 9 am the 23rd to 6pm the 24th. You know, to catch all the folks who turn up at 4 am Christmas Eve wanting a John Steinbeck novel. If I don’t work the night, I’ll be working till 11pm the 23rd, and then til 6 the 24th. Since it takes 2 hours or so to get to Tanja’s folks’ place, that won’t do. The holiday season, ladies and gentlemen. Bring your wallets.

I need more coffee.

Guess What Day It Is?

It's Let's Recover From Being Painfully Sunburnt Day! OOOOOH YEAH! Let's all turn the colour of Zoidberg and be in pain! Jump on the motherfuckin' fun bus, bitches!

You Are Rum

You're the life of the party, and a total flirt You are also pretty picky about what you drink Only the finest labels and best mixed cocktails will do Except if you're dieting - then it's Diet Coke and Bicardi all the way

What alcoholic drink are you?

Ok, one, I'm a bargain hunter. Especially for booze. Two, I would never. EVER. Drink Diet Coke. And three, It's BAcardi. And four.... well, I forgot four.

Christmas is coming, says the supervisor
Please buy some entries from a telemarketer
If you don't want some entries, then a donation will do
If you don't want a donation, sir, well then f%$@* you.

Ah, the Christmas spirit. Oh, Tanja and I got a cordless phone, and a new multi-zone DVD player. I can watch my Canadian movies again! Huzzah! No more cursing the poor Playstation2 for not playing scratched discs! Double huzzah!