Why I Hate Firefox

It's very simple. It will occasionally, for no reason at all, without warning, not work. I'll load up Firefox, click on a link from my favourite toolbar, or type something into Google, or whatever, and I'll get this response:

Not just once, not twice, but three times I have to reclick the link (refreshing just reloads the error page). Then it remembers that, oh right, it's meant to be a web browser and yes, these are websites, so I'd better let Lucas browse them.

This has shown up in the last 3 revisions, and each time I hope they'll fix it. They don't. And worse, it won't happen all the time. Just every 6th or 7th link, and it brings my experience grinding and crashing to a halt.

I want to support open source developers and all that but god DAMN this is such a basic thing.

Further anger? MOV files. They look great playing at 720p on the Quicktime player, but no video editor I can find, including Windows Movie Maker, Adobe Premiere Pro, or any of the free things I find can edit the suckers. The minute you try to speed up or slow them down, the framerate goes to hell and the video gets choppy. Any converter you get lowers the framerate. Argh.

Technology, why must it be two steps forward and one step back?

PS and by the by: Anamanaguchi's Scott Pilgrim vs The World: The Game soundtrack makes even the crappiest typing seem like epic haxxoring. Here are some snippets in this trailer:

Whoo-kak!

(or however you write the Harvey Birdman scene-changing noise)

(and no this is totally not a post created solely for the fact that I said I was not going to do two cooking Sunday posts in a row okay maybe it was but you can bite me)

So I now have an iPhone 4! Which is nice. It's my first iPhone, though I pretty much used my iPod Touch like an iPhone. And at the risk of getting called an Apple Fanboy (by Craig and Adrian, mostly), I love it. It's just so freaking easy to do things. It's actually so easy that I feel like I'm doing something wrong, or missing a step, or breaking a rule. My Samsung phone constantly felt like it was fighting against me when I tried to do things like upload pictures, check my facebook or even log into things. The camera is brilliant and takes better and sharper pictures than my last camera, despite being 3 megapixels less. I'm loving all the vintage camera and time-lapse Apps that let me use my phone camera the get me effects that previously took a tripod, patience, software, and lots of time.

Look, I could go on, but I'm mentally censoring myself to try and avoid the anti-hype rage-hate-backlash (that needs an acronym.... AHRHB?). Look, it's a device that works. And I love it for that.

(I just checked. The Scene Change sound for Harvey Birdman is written "Whoo-KOW!)

Cooking Sunday: Dan Dan Noodles

So hey! This is idea I've had for ages, both to share knowledge and to force myself to blog more often (and not just when I feel like whining). Let's call it Recipe Sunday. The whole idea behind making it a regular weekly thing is to force myself to blog in between so that it's not all recipes. So I'm actually tricking myself. Because, let's face it,. I'm not terribly quick on the uptake.

Right! So cooking is something I came to late in life (well, at least properly), and it was initially saddled by my tendency to stress out when things aren't going exactly perfectly right.

This is something I'm working on.

I've found that through a combination of practice, the right recipes, and not having Tanja in the kitchen when I'm cooking (I'm serious, I tend to freak out if she's within arm's reach of any food I'm preparing), I can stay mellow and poised and all that crap.

I know some of my friends cook, but the recipes I'll be posting are stuff I find works for weekday nights, or weekend movie nights. You know, stuff you guys might not normally try.

Most of these recipes come from cookbooks, but I'll make reference to the original source, as well as any adjustments I've had to make (because cookbooks LIE to you sometimes, kids. SUBTERFUGE!).

Without further lily-gilding, I present the first recipe:

(AND SEE? i JUST SAT HERE FOR 5 MINUTES THINKING WHICH RECIPE SHOULD BE THE FIRST. Because I don't want to make it too advanced, but I also don't want it to suck.)

So I give you (for real this time, promise):

FIERY DAN DAN NOODLES*
(and don't get scared, the fieriness is totally adjustable, like the seat back of your car)
serves 4, or 2 hungry people

UTENSILS

• Wooden spoon
• colander
• Big spaghetti-type pot
• Big non-stick pan
• Knives (duh)
• Measuring spoons and crap
• Mortar and pestle (if you're awesome)
• More spoons or a blender/food processor (if you're not)
• A mug
• tongs

INGREDIENTS

• 1 Chicken stock cube (you can use the non-meat ones, it tastes exactly the same, and lets your vegan buddies chill)
• 500g beef mince (stay with me, vegan bros)
• 2-4 tablespoons of honey (the measurement is approximate because you really need to eyeball this)
• 1 375g packet hokkien noodles (or wheat noodles, or udon, or whatever you like)
• 4 handfuls of mixed green veg (after trial and error, I find what works best is broccoli, choy sum, bok choi, Chinese broccoli or Chinese cabbage. Avoid broccolini, cauliflower or things like that because they stay too tough at the end)
• 4 cloves of garlic, peeled (use less if you have big honking monster cloves)
• 3 tablespoons soy sauce
• 2 teaspoons ground Szechuan pepper (grind it first, then measure, or else you'll have too much)
• 5 tablespoons of chilli oil (you can buy, it, but come on. It's really easy to make, and if you make it yourself, you can control it better)
• 1 Spring Onions, sliced thin on the diagonal (mostly for show, so omit if you want)
• 1 lime, cut in quarters.

Now this is where I mess with the recipe format. In the book I found this in, the instructions have you doing a lot of crap at once, which only served to stress me out. I prefer to do all this stuff first so that when the heat (and the pressure) is on, you can just dump in various bowls.

DO THIS FIRST
-- Make the chilli oil:
Like I said above, this is totally up to you. You can use ground chili, chilli flakes, or dried chillies. You can use fresh chilli, or some of those wierd packets of BBQ spice if you want. Basically get your powders or chillies or whatever into a bowl and squish them. Use a mortar and pestle, or a spoon, or a food processor or what have you. Add oil (about 5 tablespoons) a bit at a time, stirring, until you have a paste-type thing. You don't want bits. Tap a bit of it onto your tongue. If your tongue goes numb, it's too hot. You want it gradual, so add a bit more oil, stir and try again. Once the oil is done, put it aside.

-- Prep the veggies--
Bok choi: cut it into quarters lengthwise.
Broccoli: cut of the florets as small as you can get them.
Choy sum/Chinese broccoli: cut off the stems and discard, wash leaves. Leave 'em big.
Cabbage: shred it into strips, as big as you like.
Put all your veggies in a bowl and put aside.
Chop up your spring onions if you're using them and keep them apart from the other veggies.

--Make the mixture--
Grind your szechuan pepper. Use a pepper mill or the mortar and pestle or a processor or whatever. You want this like dust, or it'll get caught in someone's teeth. Grab two tablespoons of the powder and bowl it. Dump your soy sauce into the same bowl and mix it around. Garlic: peel your cloves, and either use a garlic press, or chop them up tiny if you're good with a knife. Now comes the chilli oil. Here's the thing: the recipe calls for 5 tablespoons of it, but not everyone can take that. I like to put in 3, and then let guests add more at the table if they want. Mix all of it together, so the garlic absorbs all the good flavoury stuff. Put this bowl aside.

Squeeze your honey into a mug or something microwave safe, and nuke it for 15 seconds, so it's runny. Use more than you think you'll need.

NOW THE ACTUAL COOKING BEGINS.

• Get a big non-stick pan and a big spaghetti-type pot (it's going to have a lot of crap in it) onto two burners. Put the pan on medium, and the pot on high. Fill the pot 3/4 with boiling water and drop in your stock cube. Don't worry, it's cool to sit like this for ages until you're ready.

• Pan. When it's hot, get your mince into it. DO NOT PUT OIL OR ANYTHING INTO THE PAN. YOU WILL ONLY BOLLOCKS THINGS UP. I'm watching you! Keep your mince moving around so it breaks up small. Here's the hard part. You have to sit and gentle move it around for 15 minutes. That's right. 15 minutes. The whole point is to cook away all the grease and liquid so the beef goes all golden and crunchy. It's on medium so it doesn't go BLACK and crunchy. This will take a while. Be patient. Have a drink. Talk to people. Tell an amusing story about a goblin. By the by, this is where the original recipe had you doing the veggies and garlic. Isn't this easier? Right. When your meat is crispy, use a spoon to pour in about two tablespoons of the honey and toss it about. If it doesn't completely coat the meat, add more (see why I had you make more?). Once the meat is coated, let it sit on the heat for 30 seconds to let the honey thicken, then take the whole pan off the heat and let it sit. You won't need it for a while.

• Pot, full of boiling stock at this point. Dump in your noodles for the amount of time the packet says to cook. For hokkien noodles, it's 3 minutes. About with a minute left to go, dump in all your veggies (if the pot's really full, don't worry, the leaves'll shrink). When the last minute is up, use the mug you used for the honey to scoop out about a cup of the cooking water, then pour the combined noodles and veggies into the colander, and give it a shake.

• Now for the flashy bit. Tip the noodles and veggies back into the big pot with the cup of cooking water and tip in your pepper-garlic-chilli-oil mix and mix it all about with tongs. Let it sit on the heat for about a minute, then take it off the stove.

• Get your serving bowls ready. Tongs. Scoop out the noodles evenly among bowls, making sure you pour some of the liquid over each. Get your beef pan, and sprinkle the beef over each bowl. Throw your chopped spring onions over each bowl, and finally, squeeze a lime wedge over each bowl.

And dude! That's it!

Like I said before, if your folks are down with the chilli, bring them a little bowl of the leftover oil and they can have at it.

VEGAN TIP: making this for both carnivores and vegans? Use non-meat stock, and just don't sprinkle the beef on their bowls (that sounded wrong). Also remember to give those bowls more noodles, considering that's all they're getting.

Despite all the steps, this dish looks way more complex than it is and always goes down well. It is, however, VERY garlicky, so if you don't dig that, halve the amount of garlic.

So yeah! Serve with crisp, dry-ish beers, like Asahi, Pure Blonde or Grolsch, or lighter wines like Sauvignon Blanc, sparkling, or Pinot Gris. If you want to really take it to the max (ugh, I just said that, didn't I?) try it with an IPA (India pale ale, hoppy, full-bodied and delicious, not for wimps). Or, you know, water. If that's your thing.

*original recipe from JAMIE'S AMERICA by Jamie Oliver. I do not claim to own this recipe, I just make it a lot. Dude, why would I claim this is mine? I don't want to get sued.

Secret Garbage

So i tried to read Secret Wars, Marvel's big crossover from 1984. You can read about it here.

It's awful. Like really really bad.

You can sort of expect it when the explanation for doing this crossover was:

"Kenner had licensed the DC Heroes. Mattel had He-Man, but wanted to hedge in case superheroes became the next big fad. They were interested in Marvel's characters, but only if we staged a publishing event that would get a lot of attention, and they could build a theme around. Fans, especially young fans often suggested to me 'one big story with all the heroes and all the villains in it', so I proposed that. It flew. Mattel thought that kids responded well to the word, "secret" so after a couple of working names bit the dust, we called the story 'Marvel Super Heroes Secret Wars'."

...right.

Here are a few choice bits that caught my attention (I've purposefully skipped all of the self-introductions EVERY character does in EVERY panel, or I'd be here all damned night):

• "Oh, wow! That was, like tubular! You know -- to the max!" -She Hulk in a fight.
  Really? REALLY? Tubular?
• "Torch, when you can bend this ultra-hard alien metal like paper with your bare hands, THEN you can give me orders! Until then, I'll listen to our designated leader: Captain America -- and no one else!"
  And this is while fighting. Good thing talking is a free action.
• "It's no wonder that the name Mister Fantastic is renowned for compassion as well as courage! You give added meaning to the word hero, Richards!"
  And you're a snappy dresser too. Ha-HA! Isn't it nice how they talk like people talk?
  
• "Do you think Cap's handling this right?"
  "Does Dr. J play roundball?"
  ...Wait, whut? Round-what? What-ball? What-what? Is he referring to John Hewson? Former leader of the Liberal Party in Opposition?
• "Well, being absolute master of molecules I can just assimilate molecules when I want, so I never have to be hungry, and I can just shoo away dirt molecules, so I'm always nice and clean -- but I AM tired."
  Why not shoo away the tired molecules. The molecules too molecular? MOLECULES!
• Mister Fantastic: "It's alright, son! Considering the circumstances, why not? When you're done, I'll take my turn! I miss my wife, too terribly!"
  Okay, he's talking about crying and lamenting that you're away from your family, but it just sounds so wrong out of context.
• Iron Man is going around on jet-roller skates. JET ROLLER SKATES. That thud you head is my jet-head hitting the jet-wall.
• "Chubby chance, slow-poke."
  Spider-Man's meant to be quick-witter and clever. And yet.... chubby chance. And two panels later, Spider-Man casually backhands Wolverine across the room. Casually. Actually, Spidey is able to own Wolverine, Colossus, Rogue, Nightcrawler AND Cyclops. On his own. Times have changed, I guess.
• Dr Doom is shown giving two normal humans super-powers with a machine he finds. It's not explained where those two humans came from, or why (considering the Beyonder grabbed a whole bunch of heroes and villains). One of the villains even says "Hey, where'd they come from?" and another replies "Who cares?" and it's left at that. So even the BOOK doesn't care. That explains a lot.
• "Look at that storm, isn't it impressive?"
  "Nah! It's only molecules interacting, you know, and I control molecules!"
  MOLECULES!

I had to stop at that point. That's only three issues. THREE.

Testing a new format

Testing the XtraNormal platform using Richard jeni's Jaws IV monologue, which is an old favourite of mine. Just click to play:

It's My Line

While waiting for the groceries to arrive this morning (read as: 8:00-11:45), I had a little Whose Line Is It Anyway (US) Season 1 marathon. I loved watching this show and the original UK version on the Comedy network when I was in high school/uni and was an improv-er myself (Improv Dogs represent, w00t!). While watching this series, though, a few things occurred to me:

1. Wow, they really, really, REALLY had to explain the premise 3 or 4 times a show so American audiences don't get confused.

2. Drew Carey seemed to be auditioning for his later gig on the Price Is Right (he even says "Come on down!").

3. Colin Mochrie (sp?) has one of the most mobile and expressive faces in comedy, and Ryan Stiles, despite a body like a bag of wire hangers, is extremely physical.

4. The only segments that don't hold up are the musical numbers, which is strange, because I used to look forward to seeing Wayne Brady sing each week. However, when watched consecutively, it becomes clear that those segments play host to some of the least creative improv on the show. I think when I first watched it, I was just blown away by Wayne Brady's musical talent (compared to the UK and other US performers, who let comedy come first). Now, you can actually see his mind looking for lazy rhymes and padding things out with lots of "Whoo" and "Yeah!".

Which brings me to...

5. The fact that this show was on YEARS ago and still seems current made me realise how current-events-based Australian television comedy is (in the realm of "those clown in parliament have done it again" and "doesn't that one politician have big ears"). That's why they've not released a proper DVD set for the stellar "the Glass House". In fact, I've read that there was one week where the Glass House was preempted, and ABC and the writers were at loggerheads to release the show or just bin it. The reason? All the jokes were about things that happened a week before and thus were not funny.

In conclusion, screw Flanders.

Partying Down

(Warning, spoilers for Party Down season 1 & 2)

An odd thought occurred to me while watching the beginning of the second season of the Adrian-recommended Party Down, a show which I have come to enjoy. In the first season, the protagonist was Henry, a former actor and current self-described quitter, who spends his days working for the titular Party Down catering company, drinking, taking drugs, and generally not doing much, while dealing with his teetotalling try-hard Team Leader Ron and hanging out with fellow slacker, struggling comedienne Casey, with whom he later starts a relationship. Most of the humour of the first series centres around Henry and Casey dealing with Ron attempting to mould them into a team and Henry resisting (there are supporting characters too, making the funny).

At the last two episodes at the end of the first season, Ron goes into a downward spiral, begins drinking again and falls apart. Henry, to the surprise of everyone, himself included, steps up, takes responsibility and is able to carry the group through two events. By the beginning of the second season, Henry has become Team Leader and is doing a better job of it than Ron was.

However, Casey is still a slacker. Even as Henry is taking control, Casey is trying to act like she usually does with him: "hey, you want to slack off and drink?" Henry brushes her off, saying he's too busy. Casey is miffed. Later in the 2nd season, Ron returns as a team member, but is irresponsible, drunk, and unreliable.

Basically, here's what I'm thinking: while Tanja and I were watching the first season, Henry and his slacker ways were a source of amusement. He was the hero of the show, ignoring the irritant that was Ron's regime. But once Henry took control, we cheered at his taking responsibility and doing things right. Casey and later Ron, despite taking the same actions as first season Henry did, become annoying and whiny not just to Henry, but to us, the viewer. Talk about a paradigm shift.

So what, then? Are we as viewers merely behind the hero, right or wrong? Should we be resisting the management no matter what? It seems weird, that's all.

One of those guys

I hate to say it, but I have become one of those annoying people with a new laptop (the Alienware M11x with the i5, for those whom I haven't assaulted yet). I have all of its stats memorised and can rattle them off at the drop of a hat. I'm rediscovering things I haven't used in months or years become doggone it, they WORK now.

Things I like:

• The Alienware FX gimmick: the keyboard, running lights, logos and everything are all back lit. First day it was red, next day blue, and today it's gold. I know it's gimmicky, but it both looks and feels cool.
• Speaking of the keyboard, it's compact, but large enough for me to type without the button-mash typos I had with my eeePC or the too-light-touch typos I had with Tanja's Vaio.
• It's got bones. With 4 gigs of RAM, and 1 gig of dedicated graphics card memory, I can run Borderlands and the Just Cause 2 demo on the absolute highest setting and full resolution with a very fast frame rate. It's the closest Borderlands experience to playing it on the PS3.
• The system installed, can run, but actively rejected Command & Conquer Generals (due to stupidly low resolution on that 7-year old game). This is a good thing because it forces me to give other games a go.
• It runs Windows 7 Home Premium, which allowed me to effortlessly network between the Vista-running main PC and my lappy. This means that all the nearly-a-terabyte movies, TV shows and music are all shared to the laptop wirelessly. Combined with the HDMI-out (which makes my previous to-TV-VGA-Connection look like a pile of puke [/Moe]), this means I can put of the TV, in full resolution, anything I download without transferring anything.
• Battery life. Due to the multiple-settings mode (accessible by keyboard shortcut), I can have it running at full-power for about 2 hours without a cord, at mid-power for about 5, and at low power for who-knows how long.

The only cons I've found so far:

• Since the two mice we have in the mouse have the old serial connectors, I've been stuck with trackpad until I get a USB mouse. I eventually unplugged the wireless mouse receiver from the main compy and I'm using that, but it's a temporary solution.
• I tried installing Windows Virtual PC now that I have Windows 7, but it seems the Home Premium version that I have doesn't support it. I need either Windows 7 Professional or Windows 7 Ultimate and upgrades start at 200 bucks. Bugger. I may just have to weigh it and not use the one program I'd need it for.

I think I'll let Mario explain

(for some reason you have to click the gif for it to run)

The Vertigo Effect

Actually, that's not accurate. The Vertigo Effect (as shown here at 0:56, and discussed here) is when you zoom in while pulling back with a camera, creating a shifting field of focus. I only use the term because it's the closest I can come up with for what I'm trying to explain.

Basically, here's the gist. I don't get sick that often. Usually less than once a year (and I mean cold-sick, not I-have-a-migraine-can't-go-to-work). I was sort of sick in June for about a week (in which I was sniffy and sore throated, but not badly enough to not go to work, which was a gyp), then got over it and infected Tanja, who was promptly sick for a month. Yesterday I had sore sinuses, and in the evening got a sore throat and a runny nose. I took a Lemsip and went to bed.

This morning at 6:38 am I knew I was sick. Was it that my symptoms had worsened? Yes.

But the real reason I knew?

I began to have Zooming Waking-Dreams.

Yeah, see why I called it the Vertigo Effect? Much catchier.

So what happens is thus: I wake up, but still feel exhausted. So I lie there with my eyes closed, and my mind wanders. As my brain flicks through subjects, occasionally I'll see a picture related to that subject. But as my mind moves on, my mind's eye will not. The picture will remain. And my mind's eye will zoom closer and closer to one insignificant part of the picture with little in it. And I don't mean I picture a scene and go into it, like a movie, I mean it's exactly like holding up a magazine and moving the picture closer until it fills your field of view. And in and in, and then it'll snap back to the full picture. Then zoom in slowly again. Over and over. The only way to break the cycle is to open my eyes, but as soon as I close them, back to the picture. To occasionally make it more infuriating, sometimes the picture will come with a bit of music or a line of spoken dialogue that will repeat over and over as the picture zooms in.

Drive you crazy? Oh yes it might.